#TamponFails and #CumShots

I'm sure everyone saw the Instagram photo of the girl in bed in her sweatpants with her period leaking out the backside, because of course #womensrights to #grosseveryoneout. Instagram had deleted her picture because it was fucking disgusting, and then came back, tails between their legs, apologizing for offending women everywhere by censoring her, blah...blah...blah.

Before I go any further, let me clarify: I am a feminist. I am very often on my soap box about a blatant inequality between men and women, and I blog frequently about things like slut-shaming and women's rights to fair treatment. I believe very strongly in a woman's right to control and make decisions for herself and her body, I'm pro-choice, I'm all for birth control accessibility, and I don't think The Suits in politics have any place in women's health care rights whatsoever; nor do taxpayers.

So don't get your panties twisted when I say that posting a photo of your leaking period on Instagram for the world to see, is fucking gross. Some things are not "women's issues," but rather they are just nasty and have no business on the internet. Your period is a prime example of just such thing. Keep that to yourself, ladies, nobody wants to see how many hours it's been since you crawled out of bed to change your tampon.

That said, this chick's #tamponfail, along with a hilarious article on Buzzfeed this morning, have really got me thinking about periods, and specifically about why everyone thinks they're so disgusting, when they're really just part of the whole "being a woman" dream. At what point did it become so gross to have a period? We've had them for bazillions of years; has it always been gross? More specifically, when did society decide that women on our periods are too fucking gross to have sex with?

Everyone with a vagina has a period every month. Okay, not every single one of us; there's birth control stuff and medical stuff that eliminate a period for a certain percentage of women out there. But for generalization, most of us bleed out of our lady parts. 

Let's say we have our period for an average of 5 days out of every 30, starting at age 15.
Let's say we hit menopause at 50.
That's 35 years.
That's 420 months, or 2100 days of vagina bleeding in our lifetime.

And at some point, someone (probably a man) decided that in those 2100 days, we are off limits for sex. Because, gross!

But that's my question. When did that happen? And why? Did you know that the most effective way to eliminate menstrual cramps is to have an orgasm? And that instinctively, women are the horniest right around that time? We're also more attractive to men, pheromone-wise, when we're on our periods. And on top of all that, a great percentage of females are most able to reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse, while we are on our periods.

So of course, yuck, don't do it.

I obviously don't have the answers to any of these questions, but my feminist ass will get back on my soap box and admit that I do not wish to surrender 2100 days worth of potentially great sex because some immature boy thinks it's yucky. Please. You know what's yucky? Cum!

And yet, no woman is out there refusing to have sex with her man 2100 times over the course of their lives together.

Because society (and pornography) are not telling us that cum is disgusting. They're too busy telling us that periods are disgusting. And that's because society apparently hates women. Society and Porn want us to carry on thinking a hot sticky mess is far superior to a little bit of blood. Society and Porn want us to continue thinking that somehow a wet spot created by male ejaculation is sexy, while a wet spot left by period blood is cause for a HazMat team. Porn takes it a step further, really, trying to convince us of places we as women should actually want cum. But I'll let you Google that on your own time.

I feel like I may be getting slightly off track, because now I'm thinking I could write a whole post about how much more disgusting cum is than blood...but that alone, is truly a disgusting thought that no one wants to read. My point really, is that I have almost zero interest in being with a man who can't handle period blood. I mean, really. Grow up. It's not like we're hemorrhaging all over the place; nothing is spurting or spewing anywhere. It's a little bit messy, sure. It's not the sexiest thing to have to be like, oh hang on while I get a towel to put down here. Period sex isn't generally as spontaneous and there's less foreplay, for the obvious reasons. But the reality is, it's also the time in the month where you're less likely to have to pause for any bottled lubricant, and where you're the very most likely to have an orgasm (despite missing out on all the aforementioned foreplay).

So for real, get over yourselves. After all, if I can deal with the sperm that comes swimming back down my leg as I stand up to go to the bathroom when we're done - every. single. time - then you, my dear, can tolerate a little bit of blood two or three times in a month when all I want is for you to relieve me of these torturous cramps.

And then maybe bring me some chocolate.

That said, please accept this as my promise and commitment to not ever post a photo of my period on the internet. Whether it be before, during, or after sex.

Because, actually fucking disgusting.

Fuck You, Alex

Women are raped every day. Lots of us, in fact. One in four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. One in four!! In America, 1,871 women are raped every day. That equates to more than one woman raped every minute. Rapes are committed in public, in the daylight, at school, in our dorm rooms. Rapes happen at night, outside of bars, on public transportation, at parties. Rapes happen in our own homes, in our own beds. And every day, a woman who is raped, is also blamed for what happened to her. Because we were out late or dressed "slutty," or because we shouldn't have been alone, or because we asked for it.

That is so fucking gross. 

This week in Portland, another vagina-stealing, shit bag piece of garbage was tried (and thankfully convicted) for the rape of several local women. His name? Alex Francisco-Sebastion. You know why I know his name? Because his piece of shit family, and his toss-your-ass-back-into-the-gutter friends, had the fucking audacity to wear tee shirts reading "FREE ALEX" to his trial. What?!?

Fuck you. All of you. You are part of the reason your son/friend/nephew/uncle/brother turned out to be a scum bag. You are part of the reason he thinks he can walk up to whoever the hell he wants and exert his power over her. You are part of the problem. Because of you, because of the way you raised him, supported him, and loved-him-no-matter-what-because-he-can-do-no-wrong, these women were violated in the worst possible way. Pat yourselves on the back for that. You raised a real treat.

Are you fucking kidding me?!? Free Alex??!? Fuck! 

I. Can't. Even!!!

I swear to God, if I committed some fucked up shit like this douche bag, no way ever would my mom be sitting in my trial with a I Heart Veronica tee shirt. She'd let me fucking ass rot in jail.

But I digress.

Of course, Alex is the real problem. You can only place a certain dollop of responsibility on his shit bag family before you have to remember that he is an adult, his slimy dick is attached to him and no one else, and he knows the difference between right and wrong. Alex, I hope you wear your fucking Free Alex tee shirt into prison. I hope you continue to brag and boast about your conquests once they lock the cell door on you. I hope you're proud of yourself and the fact that you were able to overpower a woman who wasn't as strong as you. I hope your family rallies in support of you, because they'll continue to be too blind to see how disgusting you are.

I can just literally not even wrap my brain around how this fucking bag of shit and his bag of shit family, even thought what they were doing was okay. Dude you fucking raped these women! You violated them. You took whatever the fuck you wanted from them. You're disgusting. You're the reason I will purchase a gun in 2015. You're the reason I will learn to shoot one, and the reason I wouldn't hesitate to use it on someone walking into my apartment in the middle of the night.

You. You fucking piece of dirty shit. You are the reason my best friend had to sit her terrified ten year old down and explain that she bought a gun because she's small, and because she can't protect herself. You're the reason little kids know what rape is and have to learn about it from their moms. You're the reason we don't go out alone at night, the reason we walk to our cars on high alert. You. You're the problem.

While we're hoping, I also hope a cell mate with a vengeance makes your cocky, arrogant, selfish ass, his little fucking bitch. I hope you spend the next years of your life scared and afraid, always watching over your shoulder. I hope you stay on high alert, out of fear of someone stronger than you. I hope you get the arrogant shoulder shrugs beat the fuck right out of you. I hope you spend these years in constant fear, on constant alert, at constant risk of someone bigger and stronger than you just taking whatever the fuck they want from you.

Spend these years feeling what it's like to be a woman in the world today, with dirty creeps like you following us in the shadows. Fuck you.