Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Were You Absent on That Day in Health Class?

Why do people think it's funny to make jokes about people getting pregnant? Especially single people who do not want to parent a child?

Person A: "I was snowed in at home with my girlfriend/boyfriend this weekend."
Person B: "So we should expect to meet your baby in 9 months?"

Why do people think this is funny? It's really, truly not. Whenever someone says this to me, my gut response is, No, because unlike your apparently incredibly stupid ass, I know the importance of birth control. It isn't funny, and it could be super offensive if you said it to the wrong person.

I am a single woman who does not wish to be a mother. There have been times in my adult life where this has been a sensitive issue for me, whether it be because the guy I was dating wanted kids, or had a kid, or didn't want to just dismiss kids in the future. There have been times where I have had to get really defensive on this issue because other people in my life have felt they needed to talk me into changing my mind.

I also happen to be a woman who has had some medical procedures which may result in my actual inability to be a mother. What if I was really upset about this? What if I was a woman who did want to have kids and was maybe even trying to have kids, and couldn't because of reasons out of my control? What if I was desperately trying to get pregnant, and you didn't know, and you made that bull shit comment and I was deeply hurt?

Separately, I am an intelligent and educated woman, who knows the responsibility and importance of practicing safe sex. What if I took your "joke" to mean that you thought I was too stupid to take my pills or use condoms? I mean, I'm not that hypersensitive, but some people are.

And on top of that, before you make this dumb joke to someone about how they probably had so much crazy sex all weekend long that they couldn't possibly have used their brain for the 5 seconds it takes to get a condom, think about the last time you had some sort of pregnancy scare. Was that funny? I bet not. Because just like some people are attempting to get pregnant and are having trouble, there are some of us whose families are constantly popping babies out of their lady parts, reminding us that we come from extremely fertile roots, where you can possibly get us pregnant by simply standing in the same room as us. And sometimes you do make that mistake where you think you forgot your pill yesterday, or where it might be the weekend you're ovulating, or something broke, or whatever...that happens! And it is never funny, because it's too fucking scary to be funny. If, while taking the morning after pill, someone asked me if I got pregnant yesterday, I may actually punch them in the crotch.

It isn't funny to make jokes to people about getting knocked up. While I am not one to find myself deeply offended or feeling hurt by these jokes, I have friends who are. I have friends who are trying to get pregnant without any luck. I have friends who have had one baby and want another one but can't make it happen. I have friends who have delivered still born babies or who have miscarried and are in the process of making the life decision of whether or not to try again. We all probably know someone who wants a baby and doesn't have one...for that woman, jokes about getting knocked up are not funny.

Pregnancy and fertility can be such a joyous, exciting experience. But it can also be incredibly hard. I don't think the risk is worth it to make a dumb joke to someone who spent the weekend at home with their partner...just because they were closed up in an apartment all weekend, doesn't mean they were creating a life.

I mean, yea, there was sex being had. But nobody was being a careless idiot. And even if they were, you're not the authority to remind them of that. Leave it alone. We're not 15, sex jokes aren't that funny.

Ok fine, some of them are funny.