Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Is That a Gun in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me??

It's been a little while since I have posted a legit, over the top rant about something that seriously pisses me off.

Well, put on your seat belts, cause I am on one tonight!

Today I saw on the news that some local public schools are banning leggings from their dress codes for female students because "they are distracting to our male students." Aca scuse me?!? What?? Since when is it MY fucking responsibility to dress in a way that keeps a boy's tongue in his mouth instead of hanging out of his head like a drooling, horny dog?!?

Oh. Since fucking ALWAYS!

I forgot for a moment that as a woman, I am solely responsible for any penis in a 5 mile radius. They cannot be trusted with the boy they are attached to, of course. How fucking insulting!! Insulting to women that we are expected to monitor our looks or our actions, and insulting to men to imply that they cannot be trusted to keep their own dick in their pants at the sight of a lady in *gasp* leggings!

When a woman is assaulted, someone always asks what she was wearing. Or what she was drinking. Or what she was doing out at night by herself. When a woman is attacked, someone always asks what she could have done to protect herself - what mace she should have been toting in her bag, or what self defense tool it was too bad she didn't know.

No one ever stands up and says, guess what, world, it is NOT my responsibility to carry a gun to ward off horny douchebags who think they have some animalistic right to my vagina! It doesn't matter what I am wearing or if I had 5 drinks instead of 3, or if I think I should be able to walk back to my own dorm room after a party. Why the FUCK are we not focused on raising MEN who don't think they have a right to attack some innocent woman because she was "distracting" in a pair of tight pants.

Fuck that.

The most appalling part of the whole new story was, as always, the comments under the article talking about how it's unfair for girls to wear tight pants and expect to not receive that kind of attention, that these girls need to pay attention to what they are offering to these poor boys by dressing like that...and these comments were from women!! MOMS! Umm...someone immediately remove the daughters (and sons, for that matter) from these ignorant, archaic ass holes. You have got to be kidding me, lady - I can't wear leggings to school (or work, in my case) because some idiot can't control his hard on? Give me a break.

Perhaps we could address the sexism that exists in dress codes as a whole. Did you know that I work for a company that requires at least a 2 inch heel on all women's shoes but does not require that men wear a tie? Sexist as fuck. If I have to wear uncomfortable shoes because they look professional (and by professional, I do of course mean that they make my legs look sexier), then the least you could do is throw us a bone and make these boys put something awkward around their neck. But no. Can't do that.

Male dress code: Pants. Shirt. Shoes. And deodorant.
Female dress code: See pages 2-17.

The same goes for schools, because we have to get on the sexism train as early as possible. When I was in high school, we weren't allowed to wear tank tops. Because, you know, a 16 year old boy simply cannot keep his penis to himself with my shoulders hanging out all over the place like that. The poor boys are just simply so distracted.

Never mind the sagging thing, though, where the boys get to drop their jeans to their knees. Because that doesn't turn us ladies on (I mean, really it doesn't, because face it guys, you look stupid as fuck like that). Point being, I wasn't allowed to have my shoulders exposed on a hot day, but my male counterpart was allowed to let his balls hang out of the belt loops of his jeans should he so choose.

I went to a Catholic school though, so they probably just assumed that us ladies didn't get horny. Ever. Until we were married. And then only when we wanted to lay in missionary position to create life.


But I digress.

If I want to wear leggings, I am going to wear leggings. You morons and your leggings aren't pants campaign need to shut up and buy a bigger size. Leggings are pants. They have a waistband and 2 leg holes and a crotch and room for your ass. That is literally the definition of pants. If you can see through the fabric in the ass, it is not because they are not pants; it's because they're too small. Kinda like when your side boob is popping out of your bikini top? That doesn't mean it's not a swim suit - it means your tits need a bigger size. Same shit, different body part.

For the record, the more shit I read on the news about schools and dress code and bull shit about how girls are ruining the lives of boys everywhere by dressing like whores and then not welcoming a physical or sexual assault, the happier I am to not have to raise a child. I mean, how could I put this blog into a G-rated version suitable for my own son or daughter? Dear son, please don't ever attack a woman at a party and then blame it on her yoga pants or the tequila shot you saw her take at the beer pong table. And darling daughter, please feel free to wear whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want, and take a guy's dick off with your stiletto if he comes at you.

Parent of the year award goes to *drum roll* ME!

In all reality, we live in a sexist world where women are held responsible for anything that happens to us. If I get raped outside a bar, someone on the news report will inevitably question why I was wearing something so low cut? To that I say, listen bitch, I wore that because it's what I like. It's what looks good on me. It's what I choose to wear. I did not at any point approach some horn dog and request to be fondled against my will. If one of my friends is assaulted by someone, some news report will question how drunk she was and what she was doing out so late. Guess what, my friends can stay out as late as they damn well please. I'm not a victim, and I'm not friends with victims.

The reality is, until enough women stand up and refuse to take on the responsibility for the disgusting slime balls out there, and refuse to let other ignorant women blame our yoga pants and bikinis for the shit that happens to us, nothing will change. Where are we at on that, ladies? Are you really gonna let some uptight, horny high school principal who can't get laid on his own tell you that your daughter can't come to school in leggings and "distract" the boys? Are you prepared for that same principal to tell you that your daughter shouldn't have been out by herself after that movie if she didn't want a guy to approach her in the dark? I wouldn't be. Bitches please, that administrator is lucky I'm not the parent walking into his office to talk about this new dress code. I'd be the mom staging the yoga pant sit-in with every girl in school. Bare those beautiful butt cheeks, ladies!!

And just think, my life goal for 2014 is to own a gun before Christmas! Yea I'm wearing yoga pants...and yes sir that sure is a pistol...you can see it because my pants are too tight, just how I like them. Back the fuck off...I said no.