This dull ache, is the reason I want to punch people in the face who refer to vaginal deliveries as “traditional” and cesarean section deliveries as “the easy way out.”
Let me preface this story with, Grant is my only kid, and thus my only birth experience. His elective, planned-in-advance c-section is my only delivery. My pregnancy with him, which was already 16 weeks along before I found out about it, has been the only pregnancy. I have waited hours in a hospital for babies to be born to other people, and have stood at the head of the bead to witness the vaginal birth of one other.
I am, by no means, an expert.
However, expert or not, I am smart enough to know that a human being exiting the body cavity of another human being, does not have an “easy way out.”
I chose to have a cesarean for several reasons; the most important being that I have endometriosis, which can increase the risk of complications during labor and vaginal delivery. I did a lot of research and weighed the pros and cons, but ultimately, I wanted to be able to have more control over my risk, and an elective c-section seemed like my best option for that. I was fortunate in that I had an OBGYN who was supportive and encouraging of whatever choice I arrived at; he didn’t pressure me or even really ever give me his opinion aside from confirming that endometriosis can lead to risks in delivery, but also that vaginal deliveries can lead to your body expelling any existing endometriosis. Ultimately the decision was mine, and I didn’t feel he or his team tried to sway me in any way other than my own.
(Side note, he also allowed Matt and I to choose Grant’s birthday, as opposed to just slapping my surgery on his schedule, which I loved and am still grateful for.)
Grant was born at 12:18pm on June 19, 2018; my surgery was scheduled for 12:00pm, and I believe we had to be at the hospital for check in around 8:00 in the morning. The hardest parts of the actual surgery, to be completely transparent, were fasting the 12 hours prior, and the nurse having trouble locating a vein for my IV. I’d be lying if I said the surgery itself was physically hard – and I have seen women in labor, so I do understand the initial reasoning for referring to a c-section as “easy.” But the “easy way out” ends there.
For one, a cesarean is major surgery. That means, surgery prep; I had to fast, get IVs, be on all sorts of monitors, get poked and prodded by nurses, and try to regulate my blood pressure while suffering the nerves of both bringing a baby into the world and having to be cut open to do so. Additionally, there is that enormous needle to the back that you hear urban legends about, that they don’t even let you look at ahead of time because that’s how big and scary it really is.
After waiting in pre-op with Matt and my mom for a few hours, a nurse excused my mom to the waiting room and it was time for Matt and I to head into the operating room. While he waited in the hallway, I got the joy of having an anesthesiologist and a few nurses massage my back and shoulders, rub my temples, and slide an enormous needle into my back (easy??) while I tried to not cry or admit how scared I was…though I’m certain my heart rate monitor was giving away my secret.
As I mentioned, this was at noon and Grant was born at 12:18, so the rest was obviously pretty quick; they brought Matt in and sat him next to my head, made sure we couldn’t see over the drape (our request), and got to work cutting my guts open and rearranging my organs to remove our 7 pound 11 ounce bundle – who peed all over the surgeon on exit, making everyone laugh as I burst into tears from fear, excitement, and relief.
Again, I’ve seen one baby exit vaginally in my time, and I’ve no doubt that I suffered less immediate pain than someone in active labor. But I also know my friend whose delivery I watched, does not still see a chiropractor for back and hip pain 2 years later, and does not feel a pull on her insides every time she exercises. Every “c-section mama” I’ve asked, does.
There is no easy way to evacuate a human from your insides. If you refer to a vaginal delivery as easy, fuck off. Similarly if you refer to a Cesarean delivery - planned or emergency - as easy, fuck off. If you refer to existing a human from the inside of another human, swallow a watermelon and then try to birth it, you ass hole. More so, if you are a female, and especially if you are a mother, and you’ve deemed one or the other as The Easy Way Out, you’re truly a disgrace to our gender.
No matter how you decide to give birth to your baby, the process and experience are immensely rewarding and beautiful and amazing, and no one should ever make you feel bad about the way you brought life to the world (especially not other mothers). We all go through pregnancy thinking about delivery - there is fear, anxiety, nervousness, excitement, thrill...you name it, we feel it. And we also have a vision of what our delivery looks like; we have a plan and a goal, and whatever that is, IT'S FINE!! I knew from about week 20 that my son was coming via c-section...not because my OB said he "should," but because I felt, in my soul, that it was what was in the plan for us. My OB never made me feel bad for leaning that way. My partner never made me feel bad; my mom, my closest circle of friends, never made me feel bad. But the internet made me feel bad; mom blogs made me feel bad. Magazines and pamphlets and websites and conversations with other women in my outer circle, all made me feel bad. And for what? Because I didn't plan for the same birth story as them? GTFOH with that judgmental bull shit.
Bringing a human into the world is a beautiful, awesome, terrifying, painful experience - no matter how you slice it (ya see what I did there).
And there is no shame in any birth experience.
#endmomshaming
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