Before you throw me over a ledge, my son will be two in two days, and he weighs thirty pounds - that’s more than all three of the three-year-olds I polled, and nine pounds from max capacity for rear-facing in our car seat.
I am now braced for my fall off the cliff.
We turned Grant’s car seat around.
Before his 8th birthday?? What?! How dare I?!
Car Seat Moms are a real thing. So much of a real thing, that I avoid posting photos to social media of my son sitting in one - facing back, front, sideways, or upside down, in a vehicle coming or going.. If you scroll Instagram, photos of kids in car seats are always captioned “don’t worry, not moving yet,” and “not buckled yet, it’s ok” - #nocarseatshameyouguys!
We turned Grant’s car seat around for several reasons.
One, because he’s two and that’s our only legal obligation here in Oregon. He doesn’t have to meet any legal height or weight threshold; he just has to be two.
Two, he’s huge. Bigger than a three year old. Bigger than the three year olds who are currently facing forward in their car seats.
Three, he started getting car sick and puking all over himself in the back seat. And this one was the real kicker. Toddler barf is truly disgusting; my car smelled like moldy cheese and rotten milk, and all because my poor nugget was reclined backwards in his car seat, unable to see out the window, watching the world zoom by in a mirror. The thought alone makes me queasy!
At his two year well check this week, I braved myself for the doctor to tell me that wasn’t a good idea. Car Seat Mom’s everywhere have convinced me it’s not a good idea (though I did it anyway); the internet would have you believe your kid should graduate from college still rear facing. Instead, our amazing doctor told me that actually it’s also super unsafe for a toddler to be laying down and puking all over himself while his mom tries to navigate off the freeway to clean him up. “It’s fine” was his conclusion.
Exactly. It’s fine. He’s fine. It’s going to be fine. Whether your kid faces forward or backward, they’ll be fine. So stop being a judgy ass hat!
The doctor was far less interested in what way his car seat faced, and instead offered advice on how to reduce his motion sickness - no dairy or citrus before a car ride, try to give him a banana before hitting the road, give him the Dramamine on long trips, because IT IS FUCKING FINE.
It occurs to me as I type this that I could write a full post on the shaming behind medicating babies...stop letting your kid suffer in teething pain when they make children’s Tylonel to make them feel better. Ugh...next time you have a headache, don’t take anything and then reconsider why you’re making your baby suffer.
I literally gave Grant a dose of Tylonel on Monday because I thought he was getting shots at his well visit. No shots, just a fun little high and a longer nap. Oops. HE’S FINE. Our moms put booze on our gums to keep us from crying and we’re not dead; fill up that medicine dropper and stop being a pain in the ass.
But, that’s for another day.
So. My doctor said turning the car seat around is fine. State law said turning the car seat around is fine. The car seat manufacturer said turning the car seat around is fine. His weight, height, and age all say it’s fine; his lack of curdled milk vomit in the past three weeks says it’s fine.
But the Car Seat Moms know better, and it’s clearly not fine. He’s doomed. I’m the worst.
In the past eight days, there has been a common theme to my posts: YOUR. BABY. IS. FINE. Everyone has an opinion on what you’re doing wrong, how you’re scarring your kid for life, how he’s in such danger, blah, blah, blah. Post a photo of your kid in their car seat and watch the mom groups collectively lose their minds; they absolutely will. They can’t help themselves. You’ll be so aware of the chest clip placement, your brain will turn to mush. And for what? Literally nothing - just to make you feel shitty about the way you are doing the mom thing.
I have never, in 728 days of being a mom, asked a stranger for help with something. I’m not trying to be shamed by the masses, and the internet is a place where strangers become experts in How to Keep You from Fucking Up Your Baby. I have, however, asked my friends for advice, opinions, and help. Before I flipped the car seat, I asked several friends who have kids slightly older than Grant. Not one of them told me he was going to die in a fiery collision from my decision to flip him around. Two of them said, their toddler got close to two and started getting car sick...apparently that’s a common occurrence. But no mom group will tell you that; they’ll all tell you why you have to drop them off to their wedding still rear facing in the car seat.
You’re doing fine. Your baby is fine. Your baby is probably really hating staring at the ceiling in the car, and can’t wait to be old enough and big enough to turn around and look out the window. Grant is loving the new view - we are singing, dancing, and laughing all the way to the beach house, and without having to stop and change clothes on the way. But don’t let the Car Seat Mom tell you when it’s okay to turn the seat around (also don’t let me tell you, I’m not a fucking expert). Ask your doctor and your mom friend circle, read your car seat and vehicle manuals, and decide for your damn self. You know best anyway; you’re the one who instinctively knows not to kill the human who exited your own body!
#endmomshaming
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