Things you can't do when you're a mom, in no particular order:
Have friends
Date your husband
Get a massage, tattoo, hair cut, new pair of yoga pants
Leave your child with a babysitter
Sleep for 8 hours in a row
Drink coffee while it's still hot
Complete any uninterrupted phone call
Go 24 hours without talking about poop
Quit your job to stay home with your baby
Enjoy your maternity leave
Spend any money on yourself
Get a drink with your friend
Go to work
Literally. The only thing that matters now, is the human life you created. You don't get to stay home or go back to work without someone jumping down your throat about how you're going to ruin your baby's life.
Spoiler: whether you work full time, part time, or not at all; YOUR KID WILL BE JUST FUCKING FINE!
I changed my career path when I had Grant, because the idea of sitting at my desk for ten hours and then going home where I could, at any moment, get a phone call that someone's apartment was on fire or filling with water based on something stupid someone else did; made me want to roll over dead. But I did still decide to go to work and leave Grant in someone else's care. I was thrilled to find a position where I was able to work partially at home, and was even more thrilled that we were able to compromise some financial things so Matt could stay home. But that's just what we decided; it doesn't have to be what everyone decides.
If you are a stay at home mom, good on you - you are working your ass off, and I appreciate you. Being stuck at home the past 100+ days (thanks, Coronavirus), I've watched Matt & Grant exist through the day, and it's exhausting. Toddlers are exhausting. Not encountering another human adult, is exhausting. Keeping the house even sort of clean, with a child who follows you around dumping toy bins you just picked up, is exhausting. So if you are at home, good on you.
If you are at home and judging me for leaving home every morning, though...fuck you.
If you are a working mom, hell yes girl; this shit is hard. Good on you for getting up, taking a shower, and prepping for your work day as your toddler is so cute in his jammies and all you want to do is scoop him up for snuggles. Good on you for driving away 5 mornings a week as your little one stands in the window waving, as your heart shatters into pieces wanting to run back in to play with him instead. Good on you for clocking out at 5:00 and trying to find your energy to get on the floor and play with your kid, when you want to have a glass of wine and read a raunchy memoir on the couch instead. And good on you for sitting at the dinner table asking your baby how his day was, getting eight hours of snuggles in all at once as you settle into bed with the toddler who "should be" sleeping in his own room (another mom shame moment: cosleeping).
If you are a working mom and think stay at home moms are yoga-pant wearing lunatics, fuck you too.
I recognize that I am in a place of privilege, that allows me to leave Grant with his dad while I go to work; while this has definitely come with sacrifices - renting instead of buying, passing on vacations, holding off on enormous tattoos - for our family, it works. This isn't everyone's perfect scenario. Many, many people send their kids to daycare every day, and that's also just fine. It's what works for those families. Who are we to judge what works for someone else's family? Why do stay at home moms clutch their pearls at moms who work full time? And why do working moms think stay at home moms are giving up a real life?
Why can't we all just open our eyes and realize, that whether we work full time or stay at home full time, we literally surrender our identity when we become MOM??
(kidding, mostly)
The common denominator for all moms, is that there is never enough time. Never. We are constantly running on empty, trying to prioritize everyone else, attempting to lose baby weight but unable to sacrifice yet another hour of the day, struggling to maintain schedules, meet deadlines, make healthy meals, keep the laundry done, and wash our hair before anyone notices how long its been. There is no time leftover for shitting on each other's life, so just stop it! Find something better to do! Go get a coffee with a friend, see a movie with your husband, go get your damn hair cut just so someone will wash it...just stop wasting moments being a judgmental shit! I can assure you, the next time I have an accidental free chunk of time, I'll be getting ink needled into my back; I won't be wasting it telling my fellow moms how much they suck at life.
#endmomshaming
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