Probably the most common question we get asked about our decision to teach Grant to communicate using sign language is, “won’t that delay his speech?”
The short answer: no; it won’t.
There is a ton of science behind why a baby’s verbal speech is not delayed based on using sign language in infancy. I already did my research and don’t need to review it; you can read all about it on Google. Or, even better, you can sign up to take the Parent/Caregiver Workshop we took when we had questions about ASL and babies, you’ll learn a ton, and as an added bonus will be supporting a local small business.
TINY TALKERS << sign up here!
We were hesitant with signing at first, but several of my cousins strongly encouraged it after using it with their kids...and their kids all seemed to make it out of toddlerhood in one piece, so we gave it a try. We took the two hour crash course for parents, where we learned a lot of science regarding baby brain development and speech, in addition to a packet full of signs I’d forget before we even got home.
Grant, however, took to sign language as a helpful tool right sway; within a week or so, he was already signing milk and more, two key messages for your mom and dad when you’re ten months old. He would clap for himself wildly every time he did a new sign for the first time, and soon, he became some sort of sign language guru - he was learning several a week, if not a few at a time in a day. We stopped keeping track of his signs at 200, but he has since gone on to add colors, shapes, and numbers to that bag of tricks. He signs complete thoughts and sentences now, will sign along as I sing him songs, and signs his way though his bedtime stories while I read to him.
While I am a huge advocate for teaching sign language to babies, the point of this blog isn’t to convince anyone to agree with me. Teach it to your child or don’t; I’m not big into pressuring other moms into doing things. It works for us, and I’ll always recommend it to new parents as a tool, but I won’t think less of someone who declines.
My point, rather, is to serve a general reminder that it is never okay to ask a mom if something is “wrong” with their kid. Among the same group of people who have wondered aloud whether sign language will delay a child’s verbal speech, are a small group of parents who have asked, implied, or suggested that my son “is delayed” or “has a delay.”
First, no he doesn’t have a delay.*
If you’re reading this thinking oh shit, I definitely asked her if Grant was okay, you can be reassured by his doctor, his sign language instructor, my mom the Baby Whisperer, the Internet, and every reputable developmental chart out there; he’s just fine.
Second, MYOB. It is never - and I do mean never - acceptable to ask a parent what is wrong with their baby. It’s mean, and as if parents don’t have enough to stress about, adding the thought of groups of friends & family gossiping about them, is just shitty.
*Side note; if Grant did have a speech delay, learning sign language would be an invaluable tool, which is another reason why I super-duper encourage it!
Parenting is hard. Being a new parent is hard. Being an experienced parent is also probably hard. Being responsible for raising successful, smart, kind little humans is daunting. We don’t need to make it harder for each other by passing cruel judgments, especially onto our babies.
My cousin had a similar experience, in which another family member decided her son was autistic. Bitch, you're not a doctor. You're barely even a caregiver and hardly know the kid at all. Not shockingly, my cousin's son was never diagnosed with autism - I'm fairly certain his real doctor (you know, the one who went to medical school) never even broached it as a possibility. Not all shy kids have autism, just so we're clear.
And again, so what if he was autistic? The point isn't to place any shame on a medical diagnosis in a child, but rather to remind people that asking a mom if something is wrong with their kid, is absolutely unacceptable. There is nothing "wrong" with a child diagnosed with autism, or who has a language delay, or who has any other medical need, and it's gross for us as adult humans to suggest otherwise.
Let this post serve as a reminder that being a parent is hard enough without feeling a lack of support from other parents around you. Don't ask parents if their kid is "okay;" it's rude as fuck.
PS: We took Grant to his two year well check this morning, and - as suspected - his doctor has no concerns whatsoever about his language development. He's a bright kid, and if you'd take an hour to learn some sign language yourself, you'd be able to engage in full conversations with him about animals, colors, shapes, the weather, his feelings, your feelings, food, our cat, his favorite toys, his grandma, his horse, the beach house, a farm...
Maybe there's something wrong with you.
#endmomshaming
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