Ways to Make Me Much Angrier Than I Need to Be

Day 8 of my Blog-a-Day challenge is to discuss my pet peeves. As you all know, I love to complain about the things that annoy me, so this post is pretty much right in my wheelhouse. There are about ten million things that people do to piss me off, which is probably why Rachel and I decided last night that I could totally be the next Jenna Marbles..I love her. She is so sarcastic and angry, and I admire that. :)

I am seriously annoyed by people who stand really close to me in line at the grocery store. It probably makes me more irate than anything else in the world. Its just like, seriously back the fuck up. Don't stand on top of me in line, and I won't accidentally on purpose ram my elbow into your stomach. I don't need to feel anyone's breath on the back of my neck. For Christ sake, if you are close enough that when you exhale, you see my hair billow out like the inside of Fred Meyer is windy...take that as a sign that you are far too close to me than you need to be.

I also really, really don't like when people stop texting in the middle of a conversation. Our text chat may be totally irrelevent, but it is so annoying when you're chatting away and then its like the person you were talking to, dies. A stupid thing to find annoying, but annoying nonetheless.

People who judge other people's parenting. This annoys the living shit out of me, so its gotta piss off people who actually have children. Not everyone does things like you. Not everyone believes spanking a kid will fuck it up for life. Not everyone believes spanking is ok. Not every mom will breastfeed, and not every dad will go back to work 7 days after a baby is born. What it boils down to is, if your child is safe and well loved, it is no one else's fucking business how you raise, educate, medicate, vaccinate, or discipline your child. Do I think you're out of your mind for not getting your kid a polio shot? Yes. But its your kid! Would I spank my kid for running into the road? YES. But you don't spank, so go on with the time out. Whatever works, people. Stop butting in where your big ass does not belong.

It is also really fucking annoying when people get all judgey that I am single. Of course I'm single, men are fucking stupid and I am not into girls. Ohhhh but you're 30, if you want to have a kid while you're young, you really need to get married. Listen ass hole. One, I don't want to have kids. Two, I am not old. Three, if I want to have a baby and don't have a husband, I'll just do it with one of my friends like they do in the movies. In any instance, I. Will. Be. Fine. I do not plan to die a miserable old shrew, nor do I intend to settle for a dip shit just because he's available and I am desperately seeking a spouse. But let's seriously think about it for a minute, shall we? First there was Kalib, who required therapy to move on from, and then there was Mark, who broke my heart. I'm in no rush. I like my space, I like my alone time. I like the casual dates I have, and really, if I have an...itch that needs scratched (sorry mom), I have that too. So if you are worried that my eggs are going to dry up before I pop out ten children, just please remind yourself that I don't actually really like kids all that much for more than 3 hours at a time.

Lying. Holy fuck I hate people who lie.

A messy office.

People who complain that my car is dirty. Yes, it is. Its truly a pig sty. But its my car, so shut the fuck up.

People who complain just for the sake of complaining. I was asked to write this blog, just let's be clear.

Dogs. Just in general.

When my friends ditch me for a guy. If you want to sop being my friend, make plans with me and then bail on them to go on a date or stay home with your boyfriend.

When idiot drivers rear-end my car. Like, at least one time per year.

When the person in the car next to me is smoking and its coming right through my air conditioner. Gross. Keep that lung cancer in your own car.

Apparently, I am easily annoyed...

I'm Homeless, Don't Judge Me

I have always carried a large purse. I apparently carry a lot of crap on me at all times. But recently, since I am "floating" from living space to living space, I have a larger bag, filled with more crap than usual. This brings me to Day 7 of my blog challenge: What's in your handbag?

Oh man...In my awesome got-it-at-Ross Betsy Johnson over the shoulder purse, I am currently toting:

- 3 Burt's Bees chapsticks. Yes, 3. Of the same flavor.
- 1 lipstick
- 1 lip gloss
- 1 itty bitty, lipstick-application, can-only-see-my-lips-in-it, mirror
- Birth control pills.
- Other birth control items. Apparently you can never be too cautious as a single homeless unemployed lady. Because single, homeless, and jobless qualify me as quite the catch right now.
- Tampons. A girl's gotta be prepared.
- 2013-2014 planner. Purple. Already packed full of important life details. I am a planner, afterall.
- Sunglasses. Must have.
- Deodorant and lotion. Again, you never know.
- Allergy pills and vitamin D, plus the pills packs and fiber packets for my cleanse. When you don't know quite for certain where you will lay your head each night, you need the next morning's breakfast essentials on hand.
- Wallet. What's in there is another complete blog. The usual.
- Car keys. Office keys. House keys. Kattie's apartment keys. Rachel's apartment keys. Keys to my mom's house. Keys to my aunt's beach house. Just so many keys!

Sensory Overload...Not Really

Day 6 Blog Challenge: Your 5 Senses Right Now

I am not feeling entirely motivated to write on this subject...especially because I had to actually sit and think, wait, what are my 5 senses??

Oh yea, go back to 1st grade for a second. Sight. Hearing. Smell. Touch. Taste. Duh.

What I See: Well, I am at work. So I see the inside of my office. It is only going to be my office for 10 more days, so it is looking pretty barren. I have removed our awards, shelves, thank you letters/cards from residents, and team news boards from the walls. Its sad! I have come a long way with my job in the last 7 months at this property, and I have had a hell of a time with my amazing team. I am truly appreciative of them and the way they have pulled together to make our property shine through this sale process. We have made a huge financial impact here and I have no doubt that they will all continue to find huge successes at the next properties they go to. That said, I am going to miss them SO much, and I wish I had a new office, new property, that I could take them all to with me.

Anyways, what I see...I see my computer, my desk, my phone, my empty smoothie cup. I see my ever-growing to-do pile in the corner and I secretly wish I could just throw it in the shredder. I see a ton of work to be done in a short number of days, but I see the organized greatness we are about to hand off to the new company. Like I said, we've mad an impact here and I am proud of the way we are leaving this office and this property.

What I Hear: Uhhhh, my favorite Pandora staion...1990's Pop Radio! Currently I am rocking out to Ace of Base, "The Sign," and thinking that I must add a myriad of 90s pop to my workout mix. Love it!



What I Smell: Weird. I don't really smell much of anything...my own body spray I suppose? My windows are closed and my office is pretty empty, so there's nothing of consequence to really smell...sorry, that's lame.

What I Feel: I am touching the obvious...my keyboard. Cold, hard plastic of a keyboard that desperately needs cleaned by the manager who eats lunch at her desk daily. Occassionally I stop clicking away at the keyboard to read a text, at which point I suppose I am touching still a keyboard, but this time a touch screen one with a nice big crack down the center of it.

What I Taste: I just finished a smoothie, so I was tasting that. I am on Day 2 of my Advocare challenge, so my smoothie consisted of Watermelon Spark, peach-flavored chalk (aka Fiber), unflavored protein powder for my don't-eat-enough-meat self, greens, vitamins, and lots of berries. I've been doing the blended green smoothies for breakfast for a couple of months now and I just love it. It gets me all the essentials for a healthy jump start to the day without having to "make" breakfast; I pack the blender full of yummies before bed, then just have to blend it and pour it into a travel mug on the way out the door in the morning. Easy peasy and not a breakfast sandwich, which is great for a girl trying to minmalize her carb intake.

Music to Live Your Life By

Day 5: Ten Songs I Love Right Now

I am a music junkie. I listen to good music, and I listed to shitty pop music. I love music, whether it be hardcore rap or romantic old school country. My Pandora stations are random and my iPod shuffle may as well have been created by a 3rd grader. My problem with music is, I hear a song, I love a song, and then I can't place the title or artist of the song and can therefore never download it. I hate that!

Ten songs I am currently digging on though? That's pretty simple. Here they are, for your listening pleasure, in no particular order.



 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Don't Scare Me!

Day 4 of the 31 day blog challenge is to write about what I am afraid of. The question here is, do I take it literally and write a blog about my fear of monkeys, or do I challenge myself to try a little deeper than that??

Let's start with monkeys, shall we? As many of you surely know, I am deeply afraid of monkeys. I am scared to the point that should I ever take my favorite little Blakey too the Zoo, we will have to skip the monkey exhibit unless he wants to venture through on his own. Even his little face, sweet and brave, cannot convince me. I. hate. monkeys.

Most of you know where this comes from, but in case you don't, get ready for this...

I was attacked by an oranutang as a child.

Yes, you read it right. Attacked! My mom will try to downplay my trauma by saying this monkey was a baby, it was small, it didn't attack so much as head butt me, blah blah blah...but whatever, I was attacked! In any case, a monkey - a wild animal - touched me! We were at the Zoo in California and, long story short, a toddler-ish age monkey decided it needed my baby bottle more than I did, and it made its move...ran up to my stroller, grabbed my bottle, tore it from my fingers and ran off. As you can bet, this experience, though I don't remember it happening, has scarred me for life. You don't need to remember something to be terrified of it 28 years later, I tell you what! So scary!!

And I could just stop my post right there and leave it incredibly shallow, but that isn't really stepping up to this blog challenge now, is it?

There are lots of trivial things I am afraid of aside from monkeys...bees being a close second, and also spiders. I am afraid that someone will let Juno out and she'll get lost or hurt, I am afraid of flying (although that fear will never hold me back), I am often afraid to taste new foods, and I am actually, honest to goodness afraid of dogs...at least dogs that jump and lick my face, or that bark too loud.

I think, though, that at this point in my life I am afraid of getting my heart broken. Don't get me wrong, I am not in a place where I am unwilling to embrace the possibility of meeting someone, and I have in no way sworn off boyfriends for life or anything nutty like that. But I am hesitant to follow my "jump in with both feet" mentality since that has not worked out for me in the past. I am definitely more guarded than I have been, and I feel like I am at a point where someone will have to really show me that they deserve all that I have to offer as opposed to putting it out there only to have someone prove that they don't deserve it. I just feel like, I have gotten to the place mentally where I know I am a great catch - and yes, that sounds cocky, but its true - I am a great girlfriend, a great person, and I deserve someone equally as great, who doesn't want me to be different.

 

 

Everyone knows at this point that Kalib wanted to just turn me into someone else, wanted me to be home, be anti-social like him, do nothing but prepare his meals and kiss his ass, blah blah blah. I don't even need to go into all the reasons I know he was wrong for me. But more recently, looking at things with Mark, who I was completely in love with, I can see little things that maybe he didn't appreciate about my personality. Nothing big, but existing nevertheless. And I don't want to spend my life with someone who can't appreciate me for exactly who I am. I'm loud. I'm ballsy. I have a smidge of obsessive compulsive disorder. I'm blunt. I like to go out, have fun, be busy. I plan vacations because I am obsessed with the idea of taking them. I make snap decisions after spending hours making lists of possible outcomes. I love my family. I don't like to sit still. But all of these things are part of me, and a small bit of me is afraid that someone will appreciate only almost everything about the quirks of who I am, as opposed to what I want - someone to appreciate the whole crazy package.

To Quote my Favorite Quote

 

Bahaha, I love Grumpy Cat!!

But no really, this is not my actual favorite quote.

 

Day 3 Blog Challenge: Your Favorite Quote.

 

 

This was is hard, not because I don't enjoy a good quote or have a favorite, but because I have so many favorites. I love a good quote by Emerson or Thoreau, I love seeing excerpts from my favorite books, and I am thrilled when something Dr. Seuss wrote pops into my head and perfectly expresses my innermost thoughts.

 

I think, though, that my most favorite, favorite quote is one by Winnie The Pooh:

It is so simple really, yet speaks volumes to me. I like it because I like the thought that you can brighten someone's day, week, month, year, with something so small as a balloon or a thought. That Pooh Bear, what a smarty! Plus, Winnie the Pooh always reminds me of being a kid, playing at the Kelvin Street house in the honey tree with Stace and Thor, and that just makes me happy.

It may not be inspirational, but it sure is the truth!

 

 

This is a quote I also love. It makes such sound sense to me - put your heart into everything you do. It seems so simple and yet to put it to practice can really be a challenge. How many things do I just do half-assed to get them done? Lately - especially at work - a lot. I am burning my candle at both ends just trying to keep my head above water, and when that is the case, it is easy to lose sight and just go through the motions. But it is really important, and makes such a difference, when I dive into things with both feet. A good reminder, thanks Confucius!

 

What better quote for this travel bug? I mean really. I have travel in my blood, I just crave it all the time. I want a job that makes me go places, and I need to figure out a way to make that happen without just abandoning my life and becoming a flight attendant. My favorite part of this one is, "We trust strangers." Its so true! Jenny and I made a thousand decisions in Australia based on the hope that a complete stranger was not trying to get us murdered. And it worked out! I would never go up to a stranger in Portland and be like, hey what should I do today? But on a trip, it makes more sense than digging up a touristy guide book. 



What is it About Me?!

Today's blog challenge post is to share 20 facts about myself. 20 seems daunting. 20 whole things, just about me?

1. I am homeless.
No, really I am. I moved out of my apartment 2-ish weeks ago and have been staying with friends (the best friends ever, I might add). I stayed the last 2 weeks at Rachel's and it was a lot of fun. Her son is in Greece with his grandma, so I had my own bedroom with a bed in it and didn't have to couch surf, which was fab. I made smoothies, she made dinners, and we watched a LOT of old seasons of Real World on MTV Hulu. What else could I want? I left her place on Friday because her dude is in town, and I stayed a night at my parents' and I am currently at Kattie's for the weekend. I'll go back to Rachel's on Monday or Tuesday, but I will be leaving Juno with my mom...all the back and forth is making my poor anxiety-ridden cat need a Xanax. My plan was to wait to get a place until I had a new property...the longer that looks to be dragging out, the more I wonder if I need a new plan. Just how long can I float in the abiss before I need to be a grown up?
2. I don't have a job.
Ok, well technically I have a job. I am not being laid off, and I will be working (mostly) full time. But through at least November 1st, I don't have a property or an office of my own, I am just the cover-everyone-else's-vacation person. I feel good and bad about that. The good is, it will be no stress, no pressure, no real responsibilty. The bad, obviously, is that it is a career halt because I am not doing anything to promote forward, nor am I learning anything new...but I should get to meet some new people, so that's good. We'll see. I just hope it doesn't go on forever.
3. I am a crazy cat lady.
Juno is my best bud. I love her. I love all the silly things she does. She is a happy, funny cat and I just love her.
4. I love - and hate - other people's children.
I think this speaks for itself. I love babies, but I hate a lot of parents and the ways they make their kids into horrible beasts.
5. I drink a smoothie every morning.
And they get more and more green all the time. I love them. I have so much more energy, a healthier appetite, and I don't get that carb/sugar crash at 11am like I used to. I buzz around my office like a crazy person, but I enjoy that.
6. I love beer.
Mmmmmm, beer carbs.
7. The beach is my happiest place.
I love it. I love the smell, the cold, the wind, the frigid water. I love being there, relaxing there, sleeping there. I love to sit on the couch with a book and remember all the trips we made as kids with cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, mom and dad. I am happier at the beach than anywhere.
8. I want a job that requires me to travel.
How do I make this happen?
9. I love to read.
I am reading 3 books right now. And by reading them, I mean I am laying down to read them and falling asleep less then 5 pages in. I need a day off work.
10. I want to go back to school.
But I don't want to pay for it. Kattie told me about her amazing online nutrition program. Would love it. Would never spend $5,000 on it. Pipe dreams are always good to have.
11. I don't want a wedding.
I want a honeymoon instead. A trip with a ring exchange in the middle of it. Then again, I need to meet a boy first I suppose.
12. I pin things on Pinterest and then never look at them again.
Its what I do.
13. I am a planner.
AKA, a total spaz.
14. My favorite holiday has always been Christmas, but lately I am finding myself more excited for Halloween.
15. I love sleepovers with Blake. Even when he won't sleep.
I love being his Auntie. Such a good kid.
16. I believe in therapy.
And I think everyone needs it. I am so much more mentally healthy having spent a short stint in counseling. It just allows you to be open, honest, emotional, and vulnerable with someone who is 100% uninvolved in your life stresses and can help you come to your own answers by asking the right questions. In therapy, I have learned to be more mellow, to handle my stress better, to manage my emotions, and to speak my truth.
17. I love to plan trips.
If Southwest flies there, I want to go there, that's been my motto lately. I am planning a 6 day beach week with Juno, a 5 day Seattle/San Juan Islands trip (solo or with a friend if I can dig one up with the vacation time), and a 3 day Sun River weekend, hopefully with Stace, Blake and Kattie. All in October. Can't wait.
18. I believe in honesty, no matter what.
It is so important to be honest with people, even when it makes things awkward or uncomfortable, and even when you may upset someone in the moment. I am not saying you need to be brutally honest or tell your friend their new haircut looks like crap, but with the important relationships in our lives, it is so much more rewarding to be honest about your feelings. It gets you further. And it gives you the peace you need in your life.
19. Weddings are my favorite summer activity.
I love them. I don't care if they're outside, inside, formal, casual, or whether I am in them or not, I just love them. Love the music, the dancing, and all the L-O-V-E.
20. I hate talking on the phone.

Up for the Challenge

http://www.lifeasiknowitblog.com/2012/05/31-day-blog-challenge-come-join-in.html

I stole this challenge from Sunshine Fetrow, who stole it from the link above. 31 Day Blog Challenge? My recent writer's block needs this. It may not be a rant or a rave, specifically, but whatever, its my blog and I can do what I want.

And so for today, day one: Introduction and a recent photo.

This is the most recent photo taken on my actual camera...its crazy how much I use a cell phone camera now instead of my real one...I think my cell sometimes takes better pictures. Kattie and I went to TriCities a few weeks ago for a girl's night sleepover and to explore the town in case I got sent there for work. It was so fun! We went out for beers, went dancing, dressed up, and slept in a fab hotel. Loved it!

As for my intro, I think I'll go ahead and steal one of those infamous Facebook surveys...

Three names I go by:
1. Veronica
2. Stinky (only by mama)
3. Auntie (by my favorite wee little voice)

Three Jobs I have had:
1. Property Manager
2. Beer Wench
3. Cashier @ Toys R Us

Three Places I have lived...Uhhh, I have lived more than 3 places this month!!
1. Kattie's Place
2.  Rachel's Place
3 My mama's

Three Favorite drinks
1. Pepsi
2. Pepsi
3. Pepsi

And oh how I miss it

Three TV shows that I watch
1. Tattoo Nightmares
2. MTV The Challengr
3. Real World

Three Places I Have Been...
1. Australia
2. New York/Boston/DC Road Trip
3. Phoenix

People that e-mail/facebook me
1. My mom
2. Karen
3. Rachel

Three of my favorite restaurants
1. Sweet Tomatoes
2. Spaghetti Factory
3. Sushiland!

Three things I'm looking forward to
1. September 20th...last day at my property
2. September 21-26...relax at the beach week
3. October 10-14...San Juan Islands vacation

A Time to Try New Things

I have never been one to refuse to try something new and have a pretty good sense of adventure, but I feel like in the last 6 months or so, I have really branched out into making some real changes, trying new things, and embracing a healthier, greener lifestyle. I recently blogged about eating organic and how much I was enjoying knowing where my food was coming from, and that definitely still rings true, but it goes much deeper than that. I feel as though my perspective on life is shifting...and I think that's something old people say, so apparently since turning 30 this month, I am now "old and wise."

Earlier this year, I tried New Thing #1; I took on a 24 day cleanse/challenge through Advocare with my friend Kattie. Did I want to do it? No, not really. But did Kattie convince me that it was a great way to kick off greener eating? Yes. I definitely had some highs and lows during the 24 days. I had a ton of energy, was losing inches, and felt a lot less bogged down, sleepy, etc. However, the important part of the cleanse - specifically the first 3 days of it - that no one mentions to you (and they should put it in big bold writing on the packaging) is that you should absolutely not stray more than 50 feet from a bathroom, at any time, for any reason, for the initial 72 hours. I don't need to put into written detail why that is, because anyone reading this is aware of what happens when you ingest that much fiber into your body at any one time. Of course, as this information was not given to me, and I never would have thought that I'd be in a situation where I could not wait, but on day 3-ish of the cleanse, I was in just that! I had gone for a walk with my leasing agent in the neighborhood near our property to get out and get a bit of exercise, and I really had to go to the bathroom. And I'm not talking like, walk home to go, I mean I had to go. Right. Now. I decided this could only go one of two ways, and the second option seemed horrible, so I walked right up to the front door of the house we happened to be walking past, knocked on the door, told the guy (and his 2 little kids) that I had an emergency and needed to use his bathroom, and thankfully he let me in! I left his house in pretty much a full sprint and chalked it up to doing something new for the day. My leasing agent was mortified, and I was both embarrassed and amused. Hey, ya gotta do what you gotta do!

New Thing #2, which stemmed from the super clean eating on the cleanse was to start buying as much organic as possible - I buy strictly organic eggs and chicken, and I do my best with produce, depending on seasonality and price, and to start drinking green smoothies for breakfast. Adding what I have always thought to be salad mix (kale & spinach) to my smoothies was a foreign concept to me, but it only took a couple days for me to realize I couldn't taste the difference and I did know that the benefits were outweighing that little bit of aftertaste. I now have kale in my smoothies daily, and I add a bitof green Odwalla juice as well.

Which leads to New Thing # 3: wheatgrass shots. Yesterday after a grueling 5:30AM workout (New Thing #4, by the way), Kattie and I treated ourselves to a Jamba Juice breakfast smoothie, complete with a side of wheatgrass. Gross, was my initial reaction when Kattie suggested we take one. But its Try New Things time, so I did it. And it actually tasted ok. A little bit like grass, but also a fresh taste. And listening to the girl at Jamba, and then reading more online, the benifits of wheatgrass as part of a daily routine are enough for a body to cure a disease. So, I guess I can shoot an ounce of my lawn sometimes.

As I mentioned, Kattie and I have been getting ourselves into the early morning workout regimen this past week. Getting up at 4:45 in the morning is tough, especially knowing you're only up because you have to go work your ass off in a cycle or body pump class. But it is much harder to find an excuse to skip the gym at 5am than it is at 5pm - after work I am always tired, hungry, cranky, and 4 days out of 5, have plans for dinner or have to grocery shop or any number of things. At 5am my only excuse is that I would rather keep sleeping, and I can fight that one off. We started last Thursday with a 5:30am Cycle class. So. Fucking. Hard. Cycle is hard for many reasons - its boring because its repetitive, the music isn't loud enough, and it makes your vagina hurt to sit on a bike for 60 minutes. I swear I couldn't focus on the cycling itself or how hard I was working out because all I could think about what how sore my lady business was getting. Our next gym excursion was Tuesday night Zumba...Zumba isn't an AM class, though I wish it was, followed by our insane double duty yesterday - body pump at 5:30am, Zumba at 7:30pm. Today, I am hurting in places I didn't know I had. I had to log roll off the bed this morning because my legs literally couldn't move. It hurts to sit on the toilet, hurts to type this blog. My entire self is sore. Good sore. Can't wait for another zumba class sore.

New Thing #5 is probably the most important; I am trying to be more relaxed, less stressed, and more accepting of life as it comes at me as opposed to trying to plan everything. I am in the midst of a very crazy life change, between moving out of my apartment and into a new position at work, and I have no control over any of it. It is hard for me to not be in control. I want to have a plan. I don't want to be packing moving boxes not knowing where I am taking them next weekend. I don't want to pack up my office and not know where my next work space will be. But I am focusing on a new, more healthy, calm attitude where, you know what, it will work out. It'll be fine. My family supports me and I have several people I can stay with temporarily. I am a hard worker and a good employee, and my company values me, so I will get a position. By not letting myself freak out, I am doing my entire world a favor.

I'm a Bartender, Not a Foodtender, how dare you?!?!?

I have had a job since I was 15. I have worked in customer service - whether it be retail, hospitality, property management, or food service - for 15 years. I'm good at it. I am good at pretending people don't annoy me (when they almost always do), I can tolerate high levels of shit in any given day, and I understand (usually) that when people are yelling, it is usually just that I am in front of them, they aren't really mad at me specifically. I feel that after so many years working in a bar, I am a better property manager. I am better at what I do now because of what I did for so long. I swear, no one is ever as big of an ass hole than when they are hungry. Hell, where do you think we came up with the term hangry? Uhh, from all those ass holes (myself included) who get mad when they don't eat. And hangry people have taught me that my job could always be worse. I could serve ranch dressing for a living. And I am glad I don't anymore.

That said, this blog is not at all about shitty jobs, nor is it is a rant about how servers are underpaid, undersappreciated, overworked, and tipped shitty. Don't get me wrong, that is often true. But this blog is actually more about the ass hole food servers out there who believe that you no longer have to actually work to receive a tip, and those of us who know how taxes are calculated and therefore feel obligated to leave that damn 13 percent even when your server sucks so bad you'd rather papercut their eyelid with your receipt than write in a tip.

What brought on this rant was the horrible service Kitty and I received from the bartender when we had lunch at our hotel in Las Vegas. This guy was everything you do not want in a bartender. He was rude, condescending, slow, arrogant, SLOW, stupid, grouchy, SLOW, and just generally was the worst person on Earth to be in the public.

Kitty and I sat down at the bar, thinking we'd grab a quick lunch and head back to the pool. We sat next to a very friendly black woman who chatted with us about traveling, her first time in Vegas, and how crappy the service was from the guy who had, in the 10 minutes we'd been sitting there, not yet said hello to us.

Fast forward 10-15 minutes and Mr. Attitude saunters over to where we're sitting, handing us each a water. "Did you want menus?"

Nope, we thought we'd just sit here with this water.

A: Dude does not have menu behind the bar, so he has to go get them from the host. After he cleans the bartop. After he pours a shot. After he picks a wedgie.

B: He is clearly annoyed that we want food. At lunch time.

He sets down menus and walks away. When we wave him down to order, I ask for a chicken wrap and request that they add cucumbers. Sure, he says, and I ask for a soda. Kitty orders a salad and asks that they hold the beans and corn (as any primal girl would). Apparently, adding cucumbers is ok but leaving off beans is definitely not, because Mr. Bartender rolls his eyes. Not a discreet annoyance as he walks away, but a blatant, get the fuck out of here eye roll AT HER. As she attempts to say "and a diet coke," he has already walked away to ring in that incessantly annoying food order we had the audacity to order. So she hollars down the bartop, uuuhhhh and a diet coke please (what a bitch she is, right?!).

And as a side note for all of you bartenders who are thinking, well it is annoying when people sit at the bar and order food without booze, fuck you. I tip at least 20% everywhere I go, upwards of 25-30% when I know I am being high maintenance, and we were the only 3 people in the place. Besides, its your job.

Anyways, so our food arrives and it looks amazing. Too bad I had to just stare at it since I didn't have any silverware. He eventually saunters over with a napkin and fork, and refills both her diet and my regular with utter confusion over why they're not both diet or both regular because 2 drinks means 2 buttons on the soda machine, and asks exactly one time if "it tastes ok."

When our glasses are empty and plates are cleared (napkins on top to indicate we've finished), we stare at our dirty dishes while the guy stares at the wall, picks his nose, daydreams about life, and contemplates how many ways he has chosen the wrong career path, until eventually he brings us a check.

Side note number two. If you are a bartender in Las Vegas and 2 women sit down at your bar, then assuming they don't give you the vibe that they are a couple, perhaps you should consider this sentence: "Would you ladies like one check or two today?" It seems that those words might make life easier for you overall. Instead, we receive exactly one check, which he slaps down in front of us as he walks by, not giving us the option to stop him and ask that he split it. But whatever. Kitty and I are two educated women who can do math. We set the check down with both debit cards on top of it, and here is the real kicker: he walks by, shoves my card out of the way, picks up her card and the check, as if to say, Kitty will be paying for this tab.

By this point, we've been in the bar for well over an hour and have had the worst service I can remember in my life, and now he is trying to just decide that we can't pay separate. "HEY," I hollar as he walks off, and explain that, no, there are 2 cards here to his bewildered, ass hole face. He runs both cards at a snail's pace, brings them back - we ask if we can please sir borrow a pen to sign your fucking receipts - and its time. And I can't do it. I try to write in a zero, or more realistically the words yea. fucking. right. in the tip line, but I am physically unable. Instead, I leave, hoping that I made a valid point with the $1.73 he received to even my charge out to a nice round $20.

What is possibly the most irritating thing about the whole ordeal is that bartenders and food servers don't ever walk away from a shitty tip thinking, hey I really dropped the ball, I probably had that one coming. I could practically hear him calling me a cheap ass bitch as I walked out the door. I obviously should have known that his eye roll, his slow service, his dickhead attitude, and his shitty nature were all just part of his "thing," and known to leave him a big fat wad of cash that he so rightfully does not need to work for but rather just deserves.

Guess what. You deserve your hourly wage. You earn your tips by being nice, or at least civil. I don't expect perfection and have honestly never stiffed a server on a tab, even when it has been warranted. But when I waited tables, I busted my ass and so should this guy. If my plate is empty, take it out of the way. If my water is empty, fill it up. If I want to pay for my own tab, run 2 credit card transactions. And when I order food, don't be mad. You work in a fucking restaurant, dude, and it is 12:30 in the afternoon.