LA Face with an Oakland Booty

I hesitate to blog about racism, or perception of racism, because I'm white. I don't feel comfortable, in general, writing about racially driven topics, because we live in a country bursting with white privilege, and I don't want to risk anything I say being misconstrued into something I don't mean.

But I'm going to just come right out and say it today...

Blake Lively is not racist just because she tagged her Instagram photo with the very famous "LA Face with an Oakland Booty" line from Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back. 

Dear Twitter: Calm the Fuck Down. 

Blake Lively is not racist. She's white. And she quoted a rap lyric. A famous one. And not even one with the N word in it, as so many rap lyrics do contain. She is not racist just because she quoted a lyric. There is nothing racist about the lyric anyway, regardless of who says it. 

Blake Lively, for the record, has a perfect ass. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect ass. She may or may not be on my celebrity crush list. I'm not into girls, but I would likely bang Blake Lively, given the opportunity. She's hot. And guess what, she does in fact have a big booty! Had she been an adult when the song was written, it could have been written about her! 

Let's review the facts about Blake Lively that would erupt these Twitter trolls to declare war on her, shall we?

1. She's hot as fuck.

2. She's white.

3. She's tall, blonde, and sun-kissed.

4. She's married to the hottest man on Earth (with the obvious exception of Jake Gyllenhaal, who I am saving myself for).

5. She's pregnant and has a better body than anyone on Twitter.

6. She has the actual LA face, coupled with the actual Oakland booty.

Give me a fucking break, seriously. 

Americans are so ridiculous these days. We're so sensitive. We are such sheep that we just jump on any angry bandwagon we find on social media and run with it. Meanwhile, Blake Lively is a human, and is probably mortified by the fact that she's being accused of racism when she literally did nothing wrong.

She better not apologize. I hope she does not make any statement about feeling bad if she offended anyone. No one is offended. They're just ass holes. This chick did nothing wrong but walk her hot pregnant ass down the red carpet and make the rest of us slobber with jealousy. But she's famous, so they'll probably have to issue some bull shit apology statement. Just know, Twitter trolls, she doesn't mean it. She knows she isn't guilty. She's only guilty of having ass for days.

People have nothing better to do these days but bitch and moan about all the ways they get offended. Everyone's offended. And for real it's like, shut up. There are more important things in the world than accusing innocent people of racism when they aren't guilty of anything at all. 

Like shedding a bad light on the best song ever written, for example. 

Blake, honey, if you're listening...don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. Just walk down the street knowing that everyone on Twitter is so jealous of your perfection, they can't think. I would encourage you to respond by tweeting the full Baby Got Back video. #lafacewithanoaklandbooty 

Shake Your Ass & Celebrate

11 Day Photo Blog Challenge

Day 10: A Picture of You Celebrating

This was such a tough post to pick a photo for - I am at a place in my life where there is so much to celebrate, how do I possibly narrow it down?? I celebrate birthdays, holidays, parties, vacations, promotions...what can I say, I am a party girl! And in contemplating what photos to pick, I decided I wanted to focus on recent celebrations - and what more recent event to write about than this amazing Valentine's Day weekend?!

With as many hours as I work in a day early in the week, I've been getting pretty lucky with three-day weekends lately. I'm not allowed to have overtime at my property, so hitting that 40 hour mark at 10am Friday has made for a lot of Friday afternoons off (no complaints there). This weekend was no different; by the time Thursday and Friday came, I had a lot of time to shave off, so I just worked half days on both days, as opposed to taking all of Friday off. Reason to celebrate number one: extended weekend hours.

Thursday evening, I had dinner, wine, and much-needed long conversations with a handsome fella, after which we watched a movie before I headed home to bed. It had been a long time since we'd seen each other, and it was just what I was after. Reason to celebrate number two: good food made with wine and laughter, followed up with couch snuggling and big hugs goodnight.

Friday afternoon I deep cleaned my apartment, did my laundry, and finally sat down for a chunk of book club homework reading time. Reason to celebrate number three: a good book with no pants and a snuggly blanket in the sunshine. I read several chapters in bed, stopping only to change laundry loads and grab a snack, and enjoyed my book with some new music in the background. Though my intention had been to stay home and in this position all night long, I was tempted out for a beer, some better music on a jukebox, and several more hours of real talk with the aforementioned fella. Talking to him has always felt great, so how was I to say no? Reason to celebrate number four: hearing things you've waited months for, and listening to Ed Sheeran.

Waking up on Saturday morning, after a nice long sleep, I finished cleaning and did a little shopping before my Valentine's date night out with the girls. My friend Amy had invited me out to Dante's in downtown Portland to see none other than Sir Mix a Lot - yea, THE Sir Mix a Lot - in concert with her and a friend of hers. Kattie, Aloura, and I quickly obliged. After confirming we were not on a man-hater, hoes-over-bros type adventure, I invited the fella to join us as well, and was definitely glad he was up for the night out with some ladies. The show was awesome - loud, crazy, and entertaining; I was surprised with how awesome it ended up being, because really how much can you expect from an artist you don't remember hearing from in the past ten years? But he proved me wrong. He. Was. The Shit. Reason to celebrate number five: Dancing, drinking, booty-shaking, laughing, and walking barefoot back to the car after eating gyros from a food cart.

Sunday morning, after getting Aloura out the door to work (the poor girl), I cooked breakfast, then spent the afternoon shopping and running errands, and just enjoying the sunny day with my truck windows down and the music turned up loud. I felt a sense of satisfaction that I haven't felt in a while; I felt like I had just spent an entire long weekend surrounded by people who make my life more fun, who make my world a better place to be. I felt like I got some answers to some things that have really been bothering me. I felt hopeful and a little excited, and I felt confused but comfortable with my confusion. It was an afternoon spent, just me, enjoying the fact that I have a life worth celebrating, with people there worthy of celebration. Reason to celebrate number six: real talk, loud music, love, and joy.

And what's better to celebrate than a weekend like this one? I mean other than knock-kneed bimbos walkin' like hoes. #celebratethat!