Wednesday, October 15, 2014

I've Never Been the Most Important

Every time you start a new relationship, you go through a period of the first time something happens for you. Your first official date, the first time you kiss, the first time they say they love you, the first time you meet their friends or they meet your family. There is no shortage of firsts in a new relationship, and even though you may have had a first kiss with dozens of people, the first kiss with this someone is just as exciting. Because it's new, and it's something you've never experienced with anybody else.

I believe this is what is referred to, as "the honeymoon phase." That super-obnoxious-to-everyone-who-is-not-you stage where you are so gushy-eyed you can barely see straight, and where the most-perfect-for-you person on the planet can simply do no wrong? Yea, that...the honeymoon phase. That first little bit of time with someone new, where all of the newness is exciting and makes you forget you ever dated anyone else. Where the firsts feel like the absolute greatest thing that has ever, could ever, or will ever happen to you. #ohmygodhekissedme!!

I have had plenty of firsts with plenty of people. Some great, others not so great. I've had first kisses, first dates, first times having sex; there have been first times being yelled at, first times being hit, and first times being made to feel shitty about myself. there have been first fights, first make ups and breakups. And every first time is different. That's the thing about a new experience with a new partner, is that it is never identical to the same experience with someone from your past. I had a new first this weekend: for the first time, I went out on a date with my boyfriend, and he danced with me. Not because I begged and pleaded, not because I pouted, and not begrudgingly in the slightest. For the first time, I experienced what it was like to be on a date with someone who made me feel like the most important person in the room.

Side note: A man who dances is sexy as fuck. I don't know who ever told all you boys out there that girls prefer to dance alone while you get drunk bellied up to the bar, but they fully lied to you. There is nothing that guarantees you a night of hot sweaty loving than shaking it with her on a dance floor. Even if you look stupid. Even if you hate it. Even if you would rather die. Dance with her. (Also, dancing does not mean shoving your dick in her back. That grinding-her-gears move is not sexy.)

It's a gratifying feeling, that of feeling like the most important person in the room. It's a feeling that's not easily explained, but it's one that's wildly present in my relationship currently. It's the experience of being with someone who leans in to kiss you even when you're out with a group of friends, or who reaches for your hand when you're walking through a crowded room. These are such small gestures that it may seem insignificant, but when it's something you are experiencing for the first time, it doesn't feel small; it feels huge.

My efforts to explain this concept to my fella were met with shrugged shoulders and a well, you are the most important. Like, duh, why would I have ever felt otherwise? When you're the type of person who values your partner, who always sees them in that light, who is always aware of their presence near you in a crowd, these gestures apparently come as second nature, not to be given another thought. But when it's not the treatment you're used to receiving, it warrants all of the second glances, all of the pleasant surprises.

At the risk of sounding incredibly arrogant, I have always been the thoughtful one in my relationships. I'm the one who remembers important dates, who leaves love notes, who puts a lot of thought into gifts. I have always planned dates or birthdays or anniversaries. And more importantly, I've been the one who says the right things on a bad day or who finds the perfect way to cheer someone up. But as I was laying in bed last night, after the longest work week of my life, falling asleep at 7:30, I felt - for the first time - what it was like when someone else found the perfect way to take care of me back. By letting me fall asleep at a completely unreasonable hour, by rubbing my back while I fell asleep at a completely unreasonable hour, and by falling asleep next to a much more reasonable hour.

Obviously not every first is as great as the first time you realize how important you are to someone else, but the fact is, every first has something to offer. Embrace them. Relish in them. Enjoy the way they make you feel. As they say, there's a first time for everything (remind me again who they are??)