Friday, October 17, 2014

Take a Step Backwards, I Can Smell You

Recently, I interrupted my maintenance supervisor mid-sentence and said, dude, you are the loudest person I have ever heard...please speak in whisper. From around the corner, my assistant manager said, you are the TWO loudest people I have ever heard! Well, I can't argue with that.

Would you rather: Only be able to whisper, or only be able to shout?

#LoudGirlProblems. I am loud. I speak loudly. My best friend also speaks loudly. When we are together in public, we tend to be those two girls you can hear laughing from the other side of the store. People who speak loud, I feel, are less annoying than people who speak so softly that you have to get too close to them to hear what they're saying. It's weird when you have to cuddle up into someone's personal space to hear them. It's less weird - apparently - when you're sitting at lunch and can converse with people three tables down. That's me and Rachel. Across the grocery store from each other, sharing one list.

Based on the fact that I prefer to keep a safe distance from people, I would rather only be able to shout, than to have to lean in to whisper all the time.

I hate being close to people. Physically, I mean. I don't like when I can feel someone else's body heat radiating, or when I can smell their breath. I hate when people are too close to me in line at the grocery store, and I feel claustrophobic when I am in a room with too many people. The thought of having to be close enough to everyone that I could whisper and they could hear me, gives me anxiety. I talk to a lot of people on a daily basis, and about 25% of the time, I spray a stream of Febreeze over my desk after they've left; I can't even come to grips that I may have to be any closer to them than I already am.

On the flip side, once I am comfortable with someone, once I have a close relationship with them, I am like a leech (no, not like a clingy). If I know and love you, I want to be in your bubble, and I want you in mine. My hate of being close becomes a craving for touch. I like to hold and be held, and I prefer to be hugging, kissing, holding hands, than to not be doing those things.

So I suppose the whisper rule might be tolerable if I was going to be surrounded by only those people I like the best...