Wednesday, May 18, 2016

LA Face with an Oakland Booty

I hesitate to blog about racism, or perception of racism, because I'm white. I don't feel comfortable, in general, writing about racially driven topics, because we live in a country bursting with white privilege, and I don't want to risk anything I say being misconstrued into something I don't mean.

But I'm going to just come right out and say it today...

Blake Lively is not racist just because she tagged her Instagram photo with the very famous "LA Face with an Oakland Booty" line from Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back. 

Dear Twitter: Calm the Fuck Down. 

Blake Lively is not racist. She's white. And she quoted a rap lyric. A famous one. And not even one with the N word in it, as so many rap lyrics do contain. She is not racist just because she quoted a lyric. There is nothing racist about the lyric anyway, regardless of who says it. 

Blake Lively, for the record, has a perfect ass. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect ass. She may or may not be on my celebrity crush list. I'm not into girls, but I would likely bang Blake Lively, given the opportunity. She's hot. And guess what, she does in fact have a big booty! Had she been an adult when the song was written, it could have been written about her! 

Let's review the facts about Blake Lively that would erupt these Twitter trolls to declare war on her, shall we?

1. She's hot as fuck.
2. She's white.
3. She's tall, blonde, and sun-kissed.
4. She's married to the hottest man on Earth (with the obvious exception of Jake Gyllenhaal, who I am saving myself for).
5. She's pregnant and has a better body than anyone on Twitter.
6. She has the actual LA face, coupled with the actual Oakland booty.

Give me a fucking break, seriously. 

Americans are so ridiculous these days. We're so sensitive. We are such sheep that we just jump on any angry bandwagon we find on social media and run with it. Meanwhile, Blake Lively is a human, and is probably mortified by the fact that she's being accused of racism when she literally did nothing wrong.

She better not apologize. I hope she does not make any statement about feeling bad if she offended anyone. No one is offended. They're just ass holes. This chick did nothing wrong but walk her hot pregnant ass down the red carpet and make the rest of us slobber with jealousy. But she's famous, so they'll probably have to issue some bull shit apology statement. Just know, Twitter trolls, she doesn't mean it. She knows she isn't guilty. She's only guilty of having ass for days.

People have nothing better to do these days but bitch and moan about all the ways they get offended. Everyone's offended. And for real it's like, shut up. There are more important things in the world than accusing innocent people of racism when they aren't guilty of anything at all. 

Like shedding a bad light on the best song ever written, for example. 

Blake, honey, if you're listening...don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. Just walk down the street knowing that everyone on Twitter is so jealous of your perfection, they can't think. I would encourage you to respond by tweeting the full Baby Got Back video. #lafacewithanoaklandbooty