Grab Politics by the Pussy

I have started this blog at least five times.

And by five, I mean ten. At least ten.

And I keep hitting delete because I don't want to fight with my friends. And because I know that we don't all agree. And because I know I feel passionately about the issue, and so do some of them. And actually also because it annoys me that some of them don't feel passionately about the issue; I find it annoying that anyone can be choosing to "stay out of it" at this point.

But mostly because when I even see on Facebook that someone I know "liked" any pro-Trump article, meme, ecard, quote, it infuriates me. When I see that I have mutual friends with the Donald J. Trump Facebook page, I want to literally barf.

I never realized that I could lose friends over politics.

Taking a step back, I never realized that I cared enough about politics to surrender friendships. That seems so insane! I have never even cared about politics. I've barely ever even voted. I don't read or research or watch the news. I don't know facts or stats, and I have never really bothered to find out. So the thought that I could be willing to go head to head, blow for blow, with my own friends...I found really baffling.

Until I started thinking about it.

This is not about winning and losing, by the way. This is not about Clinton versus Trump. This is not my bruised ego or my frustration over my candidate losing the election. I am not a liberal crybaby who needs to be coddled. I am not a Hillary fanatic who can't get the loss out of my head. It's not about any of that. 

This is not about anything other than clear right and wrong.

I would never terminate relationships in my life over a fair, routine, well-run, fair-fought election where I voted for Clinton and my friends voted for Trump. I didn't end any relationships when I voted for Kerry and my friends voted for Bush. I didn't fight with them or get into heated debates, and I didn't look at their Facebook MySpace posts and find myself appalled that I was friends with them.

I would never terminate relationships in my life over a regular election, where both candidates were normal, sane, level headed humans with the best interest of the country in mind in their campaign.

This year has proven, though, that I will terminate relationships in my life when they support insane, evil, horrid rotten candidates, and when they continue to support evil, horrid rotten elected presidents.

Donald Trump is not a normal, sane, level headed human.
Donald Trump does not have the country's best interest in mind.
Donald Trump is evil.
Donald Trump is a horrid rotten president, and he was a horrid rotten candidate.

Donald Trump has only been the president for 11 days. ELEVEN. And in those 11 days, he has signed more executive orders than I can count. He has fired people because they speak out against his insane policy. He has promised his Supreme Court selection will fight to overturn Roe V. Wade. He has separated immigrants from their families, and he's attempted to ban refugees, which is a violation of our Constitution. He has placed unqualified, inept fools in cabinet positions they cannot possibly do well in. He has gone to war with the media.

He has done so much fucked up shit in the past week and a half, I can't even remember all of it to list! He has behaved so poorly, isolated so many people, so many groups, he has proven so loudly that he is an unfit, idiotic, narcissistic maniac, that I literally cannot read the news fast enough to know what I am protesting anymore!

In only 11 days, Donald Trump has managed to take steps backwards for women. For minorities. For healthcare. For immigration. For refugees. For our safety in this country. For the LGBTQ community. For education. For homeland security. For the environment. For national parks. For science. For LITERALLY EVERYFUCKINGTHING!!!

In his first 11 days, an entire gender has shown up to protest Trump's misogyny, in groups of hundreds of thousands of people. On all seven continents, I might add. In his first 11 days, we've shown up to protest Trump's unconstitutional immigration ban at airports across the country. In his first 11 days, Donald Trump is already being sued by individual states who can see that his bull shit is not only deplorable and unethical, but absolutely illegal.

I never thought I could lose friends because of politics. I really never did. I am a very left-leaning liberal, and I have very liberal views - but I have never unfriended anyone (on Facebook or in real life) for being pro-life, or for being conservative, or for leaning right. I've always been passionate about my pro-choice platform, but other than that I don't tend to stand up and fight on political issues.

But I showed up with 500,000 of my closest friends in the pouring rain on Trump's first full day in office, donning pink knee high socks and purple shorts and my "pussy grabs back" hoodie, carrying signs I made for my group, screaming chants - because I finally found reason to stand up and fight.

I hope to God that at some point in the past 11 days with this egomaniac in office, you have found a reason of your own to stand up and fight. A reason to make a sign. A reason to stop and think. I hope that in the past 11 days, you have been able to stop seeing this as a Hillary versus Trump, democrat versus republican battle, because that is not what this is. This is not me against you, or us against them. This fight is our country against a maniacal would-be dictator. If you've not found any single thing that Trump has done in the past 11 days that you find to be so unforgivably wrong that you need to scream it from the rooftops and show up somewhere to protest the insanity, then there is something seriously wrong with you.

If you voted for Trump because you thought he had good business ideas, fine.
If you voted for him because you support tougher laws on immigration, or stricter policies for homeland security, fine.\If you voted for him because you really believed he could create jobs and do right by the middle class, fine.
If you voted for him because you hate Hillary, fine.

If you voted for him because he said pussy on TV, called Clinton a nasty woman, and used the term 'bad hombre' in a debate, I mean...I guess, fine. Gross, childish, and idiotic...but fine.

But if you voted for Trump (whatever your reason) and you're still genuinely supporting him and his policies now - after these shameful, vile, illegal and disgraceful first 11 days as president, I no longer have any respect for you.

As a friend.
As a person.
And quite seriously, as an American.

#notmypresident

Crazy Like a Girl With Two #Wifeys

11 Day Photo Blog Challenge

Day 3: A Picture of the Person Who Has Helped You Through the Most
Day 4: A Photo of the Person You Do the Craziest Things With 

I think once you're out of high school, it becomes harder to say who you "best friend" is. In middle and high school, it's easy - you have lots of friends, and then you have your very best friend. But as we grow up, we tend to develop stronger friendships with several people, and they may or may not also be friends with each other. We start to migrate towards other people who lift us up, encourage and support us, and we learn the lesson that friendship is 100% quality, 0% quantity. And in my case, while there are a lot of people I enjoy spending time with, drinking with, chatting with...there are a select few with whom I share it all.

Today's blog is a combination of day three and day four in the photo-a-day blog challenge, because there are two women in my life who have helped me immensely in their own ways, and have watched me (and helped me) do my fair share of crazy shit in the few years we've been friends. My #bestfriend and my #wifey, with whom I have the strongest friendships, and with whom I would be a puddle of disaster without: Kattie and Rachel.

Maybe it's because I'm not in school anymore, and because I work all the time, but I happened upon both of these women through work, and both in the last three years. Kattie was hired into a position I had just been promoted from, and ironically I became friends with Rachel because I helped her pack to leave her husband, after meeting her at a staff meeting. And yes, I know that's a weird thing to do with someone you don't know, help them leave their husband. But we were pretty fast friends from there.

At work, we call Rachel "Mom," because the girl's got a legit mom voice. A nice, firm lecture. And also because she's a caretaker. Rachel let me live with her for several weeks while I was homeless following a flood in my apartment. She also let my cat live with her when I wasn't even there. And you all know my cat is fucking needy. Rachel and I have spent a lot of hour drinking wine, eating food, laughing, crying, and bitching about other people. We've celebrated birthdays in Vegas, we've watched fireworks and had bonfires at the beach, and we've spent holidays together. I've gone to her son's baseball games, and we've met each other's parents. It's no wonder I call her my #wifey, with the way she takes me in and the way I listen to her vent. She's taken care of me better than anyone else, and I know that no matter what bad day, headache, or broken heart I am suffering, I can count on her for some mommy wisdom to make it hurt a little less.

Kattie, as my closest single, childless friend, has been along for every random road trip, last minute vacation, and latest late nights at the bar on the fly; she's seen it all. Kattie and I have traveled to Las Vegas, the beach, Eugene, Tri-Cities, and Bend - and we're going to Boise tomorrow for a long weekend, and back to Vegas & into Phoenix in April. If I want to spend money, I call Kattie - and especially if I want to spend money on something I've never done before. Something new and adventurous? Kattie is my go-to. She's watched me tackle new things, has forced me to taste new foods (all to my benefit), and encourages me every time I say, I think I might want to try...because she probably wants to try it too. We've been drunk together, have stayed out all night together, and have made new friends and seen new places together. No matter what lunacy I come up with, I know Kattie will be there to tell me it's a great idea. Because why the fuck not?!

I think it's great to have a lot of friends - lots of people you can call to grab drinks or dinner with. But I think it's a far better thing to have people in your life who will drop whatever they are doing, do anything they can, to make a bad day better. Kattie and Rachel are two people who have changed my life for the better; they have been there for every good day and every shitty one, and they've never been further than a phone call away. I've grown immensely and my life has changed dramatically in the past three years, and possibly the only consistency has been that these two have been there every step of the way. Every crazy day, every promotion, every move, every vacation. I am lucky to have stumbled upon them, and I am grateful for them daily.

And I mean, we're close enough friends that a guy I like to make out with sometimes just asked me, are you like, lovers, or what? Well...no. All three of us like dick way too much for all that! #bestfriends!

You Got Me With #NoFilter

Every so often, you meet someone amazing, and you become friends. Good friends. Great friends, even. You find yourself talking more and more, to the point that you are spending hours a day talking to this new friend; you're clearly ready to move on from the current property you manage since you've got this much time on your hands, but you talk non-stop. Eventually you find that on those rare days that you don't get to talk as much, you miss your friend. As time goes on and you continue to talk more, you find that this person is one who really understands you; he picks your brain, he makes you think. He compliments your mind and your personality, and he encourages you to take chances. He's an amazing friend because he makes your entire world a better place to be.

At some point, your friendship begins to cross some boundaries, to step over some lines. You and your friend are spending more time together, you're kissing, you're sleeping in each other's beds. You're spending whole weekends together, and you're starting to meet each other's friends. You're jealous of the other girls he talks about (and you've written off the other guys you were talking about), and you surprise even yourself with the amount of time you're spending thinking about his arms, his eyes, his lips. You find that he's someone who really gets you - he hates dogs and doesn't want to have kids, and his family may just be as fucked up as yours. He wants to travel, likes to read, and loves the beach, just like you. He slowly becomes the safety net that lets you be vulnerable like you've never been, and he lets you make plans to calm his impulsiveness. And then out of nowhere, despite your fear of rejection, your fear of having your heart trampled, your fear of letting someone into your soul, you finally admit to yourself that you're falling in love with your friend - and your heart skips a beat when he reciprocates the sentiment, and asks you to be his more-than-friend - doesn't even ask really, just makes a statement.

And in that moment, you don't think you could be any happier.

Until you get happier.

He takes you to the beach and spends the weekend laughing with you, ordering fancy drinks with you, letting you paint his fingernails hot pink...letting you all the way in. He goes out of town with you, he meets your family and doesn't hate them - hell, he even says great things about them (something you rarely even do). He continues to make you think, continues to push you to your limits when you're scared. And you believe that you're doing the same for him - that when something scares him, you're able to help him see through to the other side of his fear, that he feels the same support you do.

Truth be told, part of what makes you feel so safe, so secure, is that you were friends first, and you know each other. You know the way each other thinks; the way each other's minds work. He knows that you're a control freak and that living with someone else is your biggest fear, and you know he's impulsive, and that he wants to move away and take a lot of big risks. When you're just friends, those things don't matter. They're not a big deal, and you tend to make fun of each other about them. But suddenly, when you're in a relationship, trying to find a groove as a pair instead of two individuals, these things start to play a role. They make you question whether you'll ever be able to heal from the last time you moved in with someone, and you wonder what it would be like to go somewhere new together, somewhere neither of you has ever been. And you lay in bed next to him at night, wondering if he's wondering the same things.

That's the trouble with love. The trouble with love, is that the things that never mattered, maybe kind of matter. The trouble with love, is that you have to compromise and you have to consider someone else - what they think, how they feel. And suddenly, the fact that someone wants to live alone or move away, or the fact that one of you is scared of commitment or afraid of letting go, all start to be more important. The trouble with love, is that individual realities sometimes don't mesh, can't connect. Sometimes there is an inequality of feelings or of passion, that makes one of you unable to take the leap. Sometimes one of you isn't ready for shit to get this real; sometimes, honestly, neither one of you is. The trouble with love, is that sometimes love is a real bitch, that does nothing but give you several amazing months with someone, only to eventually not be enough. And then there are the times that it gets particularly painful - the times that you spend making a friend, being a friend, having a friend, only to ruin it by falling in love with your best friend. That's the real trouble with love; the real trouble with love is that it is so big that it has the potential to wreck everything in its path when it doesn't work. To work on maintaining that friendship if the relationship can't succeed, takes an immense and selfless effort - on both sides - and sometimes that won't be enough (though sometimes it will).

Every so often, you meet someone amazing, and you become friends. Good friends. Great friends, even. And in the midst of building your friendship with this amazing person, you often let your feelings grow, let your guard down. Eventually you realize that your capacity for love is there, and that your ability to be passionate is there, even though you're terrified, even though you're guarding it. My advice? Don't guard it. Don't protect it. If you're in love with someone, tell them. Be brave. Be willing to take risks and step out of your comfort zone. Be open to their new ideas, the way they make decisions and the way they think. Let yourself be passionate; put it all on the table. Communicate openly, be honest, and let yourself love - and be loved - the way that feels best to you. If they're impulsive, relish in that; take a leap with them even when you normally wouldn't. If they're nervous or protected, watch for those moments where they let it all out in front of you, and know that it means they trust you more than anyone else. Because in the end, you'll want to be able to say, I let you all the way in. I was scared, but I didn't let it stop me. You got all of me, #nofilter.