Thursday, September 12, 2013

Ways to Make Me Much Angrier Than I Need to Be

Day 8 of my Blog-a-Day challenge is to discuss my pet peeves. As you all know, I love to complain about the things that annoy me, so this post is pretty much right in my wheelhouse. There are about ten million things that people do to piss me off, which is probably why Rachel and I decided last night that I could totally be the next Jenna Marbles..I love her. She is so sarcastic and angry, and I admire that. :)

I am seriously annoyed by people who stand really close to me in line at the grocery store. It probably makes me more irate than anything else in the world. Its just like, seriously back the fuck up. Don't stand on top of me in line, and I won't accidentally on purpose ram my elbow into your stomach. I don't need to feel anyone's breath on the back of my neck. For Christ sake, if you are close enough that when you exhale, you see my hair billow out like the inside of Fred Meyer is windy...take that as a sign that you are far too close to me than you need to be.

I also really, really don't like when people stop texting in the middle of a conversation. Our text chat may be totally irrelevent, but it is so annoying when you're chatting away and then its like the person you were talking to, dies. A stupid thing to find annoying, but annoying nonetheless.

People who judge other people's parenting. This annoys the living shit out of me, so its gotta piss off people who actually have children. Not everyone does things like you. Not everyone believes spanking a kid will fuck it up for life. Not everyone believes spanking is ok. Not every mom will breastfeed, and not every dad will go back to work 7 days after a baby is born. What it boils down to is, if your child is safe and well loved, it is no one else's fucking business how you raise, educate, medicate, vaccinate, or discipline your child. Do I think you're out of your mind for not getting your kid a polio shot? Yes. But its your kid! Would I spank my kid for running into the road? YES. But you don't spank, so go on with the time out. Whatever works, people. Stop butting in where your big ass does not belong.

It is also really fucking annoying when people get all judgey that I am single. Of course I'm single, men are fucking stupid and I am not into girls. Ohhhh but you're 30, if you want to have a kid while you're young, you really need to get married. Listen ass hole. One, I don't want to have kids. Two, I am not old. Three, if I want to have a baby and don't have a husband, I'll just do it with one of my friends like they do in the movies. In any instance, I. Will. Be. Fine. I do not plan to die a miserable old shrew, nor do I intend to settle for a dip shit just because he's available and I am desperately seeking a spouse. But let's seriously think about it for a minute, shall we? First there was Kalib, who required therapy to move on from, and then there was Mark, who broke my heart. I'm in no rush. I like my space, I like my alone time. I like the casual dates I have, and really, if I have an...itch that needs scratched (sorry mom), I have that too. So if you are worried that my eggs are going to dry up before I pop out ten children, just please remind yourself that I don't actually really like kids all that much for more than 3 hours at a time.

Lying. Holy fuck I hate people who lie.

A messy office.

People who complain that my car is dirty. Yes, it is. Its truly a pig sty. But its my car, so shut the fuck up.

People who complain just for the sake of complaining. I was asked to write this blog, just let's be clear.

Dogs. Just in general.

When my friends ditch me for a guy. If you want to sop being my friend, make plans with me and then bail on them to go on a date or stay home with your boyfriend.

When idiot drivers rear-end my car. Like, at least one time per year.

When the person in the car next to me is smoking and its coming right through my air conditioner. Gross. Keep that lung cancer in your own car.

Apparently, I am easily annoyed...