Monday, September 16, 2013

Ok, Bye Now

It is so important to live a life that you can be proud of. Are you a good person? Do you work hard? Do you support your friends and your family? Are you compassionate? Are you kind? Do you give love to people who need and deserve it? Are you supportive? Can you see past the end of your nose? Do you try to make the world a better place?

Today's blog topic is, "What is your most proud moment?"
This one is a pretty easy one for me to write. While I can think back on some pretty proud accomplishments in my life, including the usual - high school and college graduations, first experiences, even overcoming my mountain of fear of public speaking to deliver my grandpa's eulogy at his funeral (biggest challenge of my life, hands down), the most proud I have ever been of myself is the day that I broke up with Kalib and moved out. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, this gesture of getting off my ass and actually packing my stuff and driving away won't go down in history, but I think the important thing to remember is how broken I was at the time - finding the strenth to get up and shower in the morning, let alone pack, break up with someone, walk away from a house I owned and a child I loved, and leave for good, was tough.

It started with Juno. You all like to tease me about how obsessed I am with my cat, but she really did come into my life with purpose - to get me away from my life. Based on the time stamps of the many photos I took of our new kitten, she officially had a home in our house on October 22, 2011. The first photo I took of her in my new apartment was taken on November 19, 2011...Juno lived with Kalib and me for 27 days before I had had enough. It only took that cat 27 days to show me what I had not learned in the previous 2 and a half years: Kalib was an ass hole.

My relationship with Kalib was never awesome by any stretch of the imagination. It wasn't like he went from nice to ass hole at some point, he was always pretty manipulative and was boring from the beginning. I don't need to bore anyone with the details of how I got sucked down the rabbit hole in the start of it all, but it wasn't long at all before I was staying most nights at his apartment and had met his friends and most important, his daughter. I met Rylie long before I ever should have, and I think he did that on purpose - nobody is going to have an easy time leaving when this poor little kid is stuck with this idiot for a dad. And at this time, I believed that her mother was physically abusive, because I had no reason not to believe Kalib, and that's what he said. So I was truly concerned about her; I felt that I needed to be a caring mother figure for Rylie as well as a provider of positive attentioon at her dad's, because from where I was standing, she was being mistreated by her mom (sorry, Bre) and then from her dad, she was either in trouble or ignored.

Anyways, so I've blogged the whole shit show before and don't need to rehash, but what matters for this blog is the end, the point where I found that inner strength to get out. And this inner strength truly did come in the form of a little black kitten who showed up on my front porch and refused to leave said porch until I decided we were keeping her.

Juno made herself at home right away. Kalib and I had agreed that we could keep her if I took on the financial responsibility for her, so I did. I quickly took her in for a vet exam, had her spayed, took care of her while she recovered for a few days, bought her food, treats, toys, etc. Rylie and I were very good about the litter box, and everything was peachy keen.

Look at skinny mini Juno!
It wasn't long though, before Kalib became strangely jealous of Juno. Yes, of the cat. He was mad that I was coming home and greeting her at the door, snuggling her, and that I was disciplining Rylie when she was too aggressive with Juno...because apparently you should not teach kids to be nice to animals? It wasn't like I was spanking her or giving her time outs, I would simply explain to her that she was being too rough, and then I'd put the cat away in the bedroom. I know, what a bitch. Anyways, so we were already fighting about the cat, and it'd been what, 2 weeks?
Finally, I'd had it. Kalib left for work and I was off - we had different days off at this time - and was frantically packing boxes. I'd pack something, and then put the box in the back of my closet. I don't remember exactly how it went down that I involved my mom and dad, but my dad came out while Kalib was at work with the Explorer and his trailer, and he helped me pack everything I was taking with me, which wasn't much. The only thing I really cared about was Juno, and I definitely took her with me. And that was that. One day of packing and hiding boxes, and the next day I was gone. I think what sealed the deal was, instead of planning to go to my parents' house, I went out that morning, looked at an apartment, and rented it. On the spot. Paid the move in cost and signed a 12 month lease. Then when Kalib came home and all my stuff was gone and I was getting ready to leave, he was crying and begging me to stay and I was able to say, well I signed a lease, I have to move in now. Nevermind that my company let me out of that lease 2 weeks later when my engine, like, exploded and cost me $5,000. At the time, it was just the backbone I needed.
And so, that was that. I took Juno and walked away, never looking back. I was stronger on that day than any other in the entire relationship because his tears, his pleading, his apologies, truly meant nothing. I was done. I had the innocent animal who he threatened to take away and a signed lease as all the strength and courage I needed, and that was that. I was proud of myself the moment I drove away, and have only been prouder and prouder ever since.

First day of our happy home