Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Because I Love Carbs

Well it's official: I am an adult.

There are things we hide from our parents our entire childhood, and things that we still never admit to them because really, no matter what, they are still our parents. No matter how adult I get, I still do not discuss sex with my mom or dad. And even though I am not a kid anymore, I tend to avoid talking about money, spending, or financial responsibility.

And yet, after years of being under 21 trying to pretend in front of my mom that I was toooootally not drunk, I had her over at my new apartment last week and laughed hysterically as I told her I had recently spent a weekend snowed in at home, doing nothing but smoking weed and eating Cheerios.

 Now, I am not generally a pot smoker. Not because I don't like it, but because of how much it makes me eat. Specifically how many CARBS it makes me eat. Cheerios, even more specifically. My number one reason for not smoking weed on the regular is, how many Cheerios it makes me eat.

But, it was snowing. My car was broken down. I had not been to the grocery store. I was likely going to have to eat nothing but Cheerios anyway, as that was essentially all I had in the pantry. What choice did I have?

And so, because I had no other choice and because my arm was being clearly twisted by some higher power controlling the weather, I smoked weed. All weekend. And ate a lot of Cheerios.

In my defense, I also cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, watched a ton of TV, and napped several times. So it's not like ALL I was doing was eating cereal. But aside from the cleaning, I was incredibly unproductive and lazy, and essentially wasted 72 hours of my life being stoned in my pajamas, on the couch with Juno, in front of the fireplace and the boob tube.

And for someone who NEVER gets to slow the fuck down and chill, it was an epic time.

But, this blog is not intended to laugh at how lazy I was while stoned; but rather to laugh at the fact that I told my mom about it. Because no matter how old I get, I still somehow think I'm going to be in trouble. Like I'm going to get grounded for admitting to my mother that I was stoned for 3 straight days.

Life is much more fun when you realize your mom is your friend now. So go on, tell your mom the truth about something today. You won't get grounded. She'll probably shake her head and laugh. That's what my mom did.