Thursday, September 4, 2014

Shut Your Face

Warning: Word vomit coming.


I. Am. Mad.

At every person I encounter in my daily routine who is an entitled, self-proclaiming, egotistical shit bag.

The world does not revolve around any one person, so if you think the sun rose on your ass today, please do the rest of us a favor, and calm the fuck down. You are not special because you are old, or because you are young, or because you have kids, or because you don't. Your dog or cat or monkey or fish or bird does not give you any power, pull, or rights. The fact that you think you are better than me, does not make you actually better than me. The fact that you think you are better than other people, actually, makes you a fucking idiot.


I work in customer service. I deal with people all day every day, most of whom I (mostly) enjoy. I don't hate my job, most days. The people I encounter are probably 80% normal, functioning, polite members of society. Of that 80%, 40% are nice enough that I forget (most days) about the shit fucks who make up the other 20% of my day's encounters. When people come in to complain to me, half the time they warn me that they are about to vent, and then they say they don't need a solution, they just want to be heard. Super! Because I don't have a solution to "someone, but I don't know who, is not cleaning up after their dog." Carry on, vent away, thanks for the warning.

But the ones who are fucking entitled shit bags, are a constant reminder that people do actually suck.


When you go out to eat, in public, you need to fucking be nice to people. Say hello, say please and thank you. You know, act like a human. When you tour an apartment, make an appointment. And if you don't make one, don't get pissed that I prioritize the person standing behind you who DID make one. When you are driving, don't act like a fucking ass face or like somehow you are the only car on the road. At the grocery story, when the clerk  asks how your day is, GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE and answer them! This is not your show. You are not the only person on Earth. You are a rude, ignorant idiot, and you are in everyone else's way.

The next time you leave your house, stop and think for five seconds: how can I NOT be a shit bag today? Could I possibly let someone with one item go ahead of me in line? Could I possibly pay for someone's coffee order or hold the door open for them? If they are holding the door for me, could I stop texting long enough to thank them? Perhaps I could just go out into the universe with my phone on silent and see if my head explodes.


Trust me when I say that NO ONE in customer makes enough money to deal with your moronic ass. Stop being fucking rude. Look someone in the face. Be pleasant. Be accommodating. Say thank you. Hang up the phone. Stop being a dick face and then turning around to complain about shitty service...umm, bitch I could not even provide you with any service because you were up your own ass so far you didn't even see me talking to you!!

Customer service is hard. It's not hard because the job is hard. My job is actually quite simple. Answer the phone when it rings, show someone around, do some math, answer some emails, go home. If I never had another human sitting in front of me, the job I do would be super easy. And the same can be said for all forms of customer service. If a bartender didn't have a dumb fuck ass face sitting at the bar and could just pour drinks all night, he'd love his job. If a clerk could just scan groceries while you stood around the corner with a bag over your head, I bet that would be an alright living. It's people who make it hard. Because people are fucking dumb ass holes. YOU make my job hard. You make other people's jobs hard. In fact, some of you are such HUGE shit bags that you actually make my life hard, because I go home and think about you for the rest of the day, and then I blog about what a dick you are, and then my fingers start to hurt because I just typed so violently about what a dick you were to me.


So just be fucking nicer. Stop with the arrogant entitled ass hole thing. It annoys everyone. Stop being a life ruiner.