Sunday, June 29, 2014

Done, And Done.

Despite my seemingly tough girl exterior, I really do tend to give people - my friends specifically - the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, to the point where they don't deserve it. I care about the people in my life a lot, and for that reason, when someone I care about lets me down, I find myself really disappointed and hurt. And while it may take me a long time or a lot of crap to arrive at the I'm done point, once I'm done, I am done. 

Right now, I'm feeling very done. I have spent the past 12 months being a damn good friend; being patient, considerate, kind, and without expectation. I've asked all the right questions and have had all the right answers, and without giving myself a high five, I have to say I've been nothing but a great friend. And yet, it has occurred to me that I am not getting the same out of this friendship that I am putting into it. I am on the back burner and am the only one making an effort; I am a second thought (if that) and am not a priority. And I've exhausted myself trying to justify and excuse someone else's poor behavior, while the reality is, I am just not as important to this person, as this person has been to me. 

So I'm done. I will not continue to make that effort. If you want to talk to me, you'll call. If you want to see me, you'll drive to my place and take me to dinner. You won't say stupid or hurtful shit in front of me to impress your other friends, because you'll figure out that my feelings are important. And more than anything else, you'll make me a priority, the way I've made you one in the past year. It's very simple. And you'll either step up to the plate, or we won't continue to be friends. It's been hard to come to that realization, and it's hard to say it that way, but it's true - the ball is no longer in my court, but in yours. 

It's not as easy to make new friends as an adult. It's also not as important to have a thousand friends you party with. I care much more about developing closer, deeper friendships with fewer people these days. Do I want to have fun? Of course! But I don't want to surround myself with a ton of people who really, at the end of the day, don't care about me enough to make an effort for me. I deserve more than that from people. We all do. We deserve friends who support and encourage us, who inspire us to be better people, and who are there for us when we need somebody. When you find yourself in a one-sided friendship, sometimes the only thing you can do is take a few steps back and wait to see whether your friend really cares enough to put in the effort, or if it may be time to admit defeat and walk away. 

It's hard to get to the point where you're done. It's hard to wipe your hands of someone you care about. But sometimes people just don't do what you need from them; sometimes they fail to come through on their end of a relationship. And when that happens, in order to take the best care of yourself, it may be necessary to walk away. 

Good friends are hard to come by. When you find a good one, hold tight. Make the effort. Do your best. Remind that person how important they are and how much you enjoy having them in your life. As good friends, we all need to hear that sometimes.