Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Your Imperfections are Perfectly Imperfect

A relationship is like a living thing. When one person no longer needs it, they can justify just about anything. During the relationship they have a filter on, to filter out all your flaws. Then when they need to, they can flip the switch and filter out all the good things about you.

Initially, I didn't want to admit that this was true; that there is a filter people have in our relationships - romantic and otherwise - that allows us to see people for something better than they are. And then after the break up, or the giant fight, or the moment we decide to no longer be friends, that same filter allows us to see that person in a totally different, less attractive light.

But as much as I wish it weren't true, this filter is for real. I mean, just think about it. When you first meet someone, and they're charming and funny, and you hang on to their every word like it's a dessert. You're ignoring their flaws and are fully focused on everything great about them. And maybe they are great. But they are also flawed, even though right now you don't see it. All you see is the sunshine and rainbows coming out of their ass. They can do no wrong. They're too good, too sweet, too funny, and too charming to have flaws. You're over the moon, because this person is the physical embodiment of perfection, and here they are, in the flesh.

The human mind is a powerful thing, with the ability to mind fuck even itself.

The ironic thing is, this filter is what eventually destroys the relationship. Anytime you start a new relationship with this filter on, you are sabotaging it from the beginning, because you're not allowing yourself to get to know someone for who they really are. Instead of learning the inside and out of who someone really is, you're only getting to know the shiny sides of them. And that's already the beginning of the end.

People's flaws - while frustrating, irritating, annoying, difficult - are part of who they are, and they're an important part. Flaws are not just someone's negative attributes in list form; flaws are also interesting, intriguing, attractive, and charming. You just have to approach them with the right attitude.

A flaw is, by definition, an imperfection, often concealed. But when did we determine that imperfection is bad? I don't know about you, but I am not one to strive for perfection, in myself or in my friends or the guys I date. Perfection is boring. Perfection is also a complete facade; nobody's perfect, so if you're standing there, looking at the perfect person, you should also be looking for the giant red flag above their head. Imperfection is so much better. Imperfection is needy and messy, and it's that moment when someone comes along who can pick you up, and whom you can pick up right back. You don't get that from perfection.

I know I'm not perfect. As a friend or a girlfriend, or as a person in general. I can be demanding and bossy, and I have high expectations. I have a long emotional arm that I put up in defense before I let people in. I am hopelessly romantic - or what some people call naive - and I believe in people when they don't always deserve it. But, with whatever imperfections I can see in myself, I know the importance of seeing the imperfections in the people I surround myself with as well. And when I discover someone's flaws, I try to embrace them. Because your flaws are what makes you, uniquely you. Our flaws are what make us exciting and interesting, and what people who care about us will find to be the most important. I embrace my own flaws, because to the people who care about me, know that my imperfections are what make me, uniquely me.

It's easy to meet someone new and immediately begin to see them through rose-colored glasses, through a filter, with a blind eye. It's easy to start falling for their great qualities and to filter out the flaws that make them who they really are. But a relationship isn't meant to be easy. And the most satisfying, most rewarding, most meaningful relationships in my life, are the ones where I have taken the time to find someone's flaws, and embrace them. Because those flaws are what make you the most interesting and exciting to me, and they are what make you human, on a level I can truly connect with.

Turn off your filter and let yourself see people for who they really are. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised. And I promise your relationships will be more meaningful.