Monday, August 18, 2014

Stop Gushing & Get Real

Today's Writing Prompt: The person you like and why you like them.

I feel like I'm in junior high, about to gush to my diary about all the reasons I like this boy. And the funny thing is, much like in junior high, I probably could gush a little about him and all his awesomeness. Because when people are awesome, it's easy to gush.

But I'm not going to. Because I am not in junior high, and it's not how I roll.

The thing with gushing, is it's not real. When you run down a list of ridiculous qualities that you love about a person, like their eyes or their arms or their abs or their ass, or the way they sound when they laugh or how they are so adorable when they kiss you, or how they're so funny and smart and cute...all you're really doing is idealizing them. That's not real; those qualities are attractive, yes, but they're not what really matter (unless you really are in junior high, and then they are the only things that matter).

Why do I like the person I like?

I like him because he is real, because he is raw. He doesn't hide his feelings or sugar coat his emotions. I like him because he has a way of being a hundred percent honest with me, without ever hurting me. And that's not an easy thing to do - tell someone the absolute truth, the good with the bad, without being hurtful. It's something I'm not very good at, so it's a quality I genuinely appreciate in someone else.

I like the way this guy makes me think; people don't spend enough time challenging the people around them, and I appreciate the way he challenges me to think outside the box, to look at the other sides of my own opinions. In that same regard, I love that he said his favorite thing about me is the way I think, that my thinking is sexy. That's probably one of the most genuine things anyone has ever said to me. How often are women complimented on their brains, thoughts, opinions? Far too rarely. Too often we are simply reduced to our physical appearance and complimented on our bodies or our faces. Hearing a guy compliment my mind was refreshing.

I admire that he does what he wants, when he wants, and doesn't have to justify it. He makes choices I don't agree with, and even some that I think are really stupid, but he makes them unapologetically - because he does what he thinks is best for himself. In trying to focus on doing what I want and being unapologetically myself, I am fascinated by this quality in him...even on the days it irritates me or makes me worry like a crotchety old lady.

I like him because he's supportive and encouraging, and because he's a really good friend. What makes him a good friend? He's invested. It's really that simple; my best friends are invested in me. They care about me and they show it, and they are there when I need them. When I do something crazy like start a random #faceyourfears challenge, they encourage it and support me. He does that. I appreciate that someone is as invested in me as I am in him. We could all use a little more of that.

More than anything, though, I like the guy I like, because we were brought together by this blog - one of my very first posts - about why I hate dogs and love cats. He wrote the condensed version of this post in a Facebook status last year, and my girlfriend shared my post with him. At that point, it was kind of a gotta-meet-this-guy type scenario, but we've not been without road blocks (also known as deep rooted emotional issues on both of our part) on the road to the friendship we have now.

But that's the thing about finding good people in the world - when your emotional arm comes out, when you try to shove them away, when your instinct tells you to run for solitude - the people who love you, don't leave you. They don't let you run away, they don't let you put up walls. And my appreciation for this guy, and those people, continues to grow.

And more than anything else, mutual affection for cats and disdain for dogs is clearly the root of all happiness.