Thursday, July 31, 2014

Elusive As Fuck

Girls learn at a very young age that if a boy is mean to us, if a boy chases us, that means he likes us. We let boys chase us on the playground, pull our hair in class, call us names, all in the name of a crush. And as we move from grade school into high school, it continues; because it's all we know, we continue to let boys chase us and tease us, and we believe that the boys who are relentlessly teasing us in class, are the boys who like us the best. It's what girls learn - from our family dynamics, from the media, from our friends, from just existing: a boy who chases you, likes you.

And it's not just girls. Boys learn the same thing; boys learn that the way to show his affection to a girl is to tease her, call her names, and to chase her. They chase us on the playground because that's how they're taught to express their feelings. They sit behind us and pull our hair in class, or they snap our bras in the hallways, because that's what they're supposed to do. They call us names and embarrass us because they like us. So we probably shouldn't be all that surprised when men continue to tease us and chastise us into know, since that's what they are apparently taught to do their whole lives.

It's what we all know to be true. A boy likes you best, if he's chasing you. And if you're letting him.

This came up in a recent conversation about being unavailable...even when you are available. About the art of seeming to not care too much, and about the intrigue of being able to chase a woman, as opposed to knowing she's interested. Which left me thinking about the fine line between appearing interested - and stroking a man's ego (as we are also taught to do, as little girls) - and being a little bit aloof, so as to invite the proverbial chase.

It's weird to look at the games we play with each other (and is, coincidentally, the main reason that fuuuuuuck, I just need to get married and be done with this shit, ever crosses my mind). It's weird that guys like girls better if we act like we're not all that interested. And it's weird that girls like guys better when they treat us like shit. It really is no wonder that so many relationships and marriages fail, when from the beginning, we are engrossed in these moronic head games instead of just being able to embrace our feelings. How can we really expect to succeed in any relationship that starts out with both parties acting a certain way that is not true to who they really are?

I am, as most of my friends can testify, very up front about my feelings; it is a rare occasion when someone is left wondering how I feel about them. And that's just how I am. I don't like games. I don't like drama. I don't like to lead a guy on if I'm not interested, nor do I like to play cat and mouse when I am interested. I'm not fake, and I wear my emotions on my for me, it comes far more naturally to express my interest in someone than to wait for him to chase me around a playground. But when I am expressive with how I feel, there are moments where I then question myself, like perhaps I should have just left something unsaid. And that's because my natural impulses are not in line with the games we are taught to play.

Cue the internal struggle.

I challenged myself this week to be one thing: elusive as fuck. It's part of an experiment. And it's been fun. And funny. Because naturally, I am the lease elusive person on the planet. My thoughts are almost always vocalized...and when I don't talk about them, I blog about them, so they're still out there. So this challenge to be elusive as fuck, has come with a lot of laughs so far as I find myself making a statement, then trying to retract it, and then replacing it with some statement about how aloof I am.

For the record, if you have to say, look how aloof I'm being right are the exact opposite of aloof.

I will likely fail this challenge, because I'm not elusive. I'm not a game player, I hate drama. I like to be pursued and chased a little, but truth be told, if I like you, I like you, and if I don't, I don't. I'm pretty straight forward, which is not even a little elusive. But while I'm challenging myself to be a little more aloof...I hope you boys out there are challenging yourself to be a little less so. Two can play at this game, right?

So I expect that at any moment now, a guy will pull my pigtails or call me stupid. That is, as we know, the perk of being just a little bit unavailable.

Elusive. As. Fuck. That's me.