Thursday, July 17, 2014

Try a Two-Night Stand Instead

In a conversation this morning, my girlfriend and I were discussing casual sex, and the way that there are people out there who can just go out, meet someone, go home with them, and then never hear from them again. The conversation was prompted by a story of a friend of a friend, who'd been out, met someone, went home and slept with them, and that was that. And the fascination stemmed from the fact that my girlfriend and I don't operate that way and just kinda don't get it. How do you just have sex with someone you met a couple hours ago, like it ain't no thing? And then how do you not give them your number, or take their number? How do you leave the scene of the crime with no way of contacting this person again, even if you realize later that you left your earrings on his kitchen counter? Goodbye earrings, goodbye future sex with someone who was good enough to have sex with just a few hours ago. I don't get it. 

I mean, it happens. All the time. We've all done it. I've done it, and I've lost more earrings than I probably even know about. But here I am, several years beyond my most recent one night stand, unable to understand how people do it (this does make me sound old, I know).

The funny thing is, though, the reason I can't wrap my head around it has nothing to do with any judgment of casual hookups. I mean come on, I'm about to be 31, I'm single, with no kids and no roommates - clearly I am a proponent of sex before marriage, and sometimes, sex really is just sex. I get that. My inability to comprehend the concept of a one night stand, is that the first time you have sex with someone new, it tends to be a little awkward. Maybe not awkward, but not familiar, and therefore not always great. Don't get me wrong. The sex can be good the first time; there can be passion and it can be heated, but really, there is always some stumbling, some getting to know the other person's body and hot buttons...causing the first time to not always be the best. Chances are the first time you have sex with someone new, you don't know what they like, what they don't, and they don't know what you're into either. In the end, first time sex, while exciting and new, can be a little bit of a flat line in the orgasm department.

And then comes the second time.

The second time you sleep with that person, you're getting what you're really going to get - you're getting the excitement and the passion of being with someone new, but you're also without the nerves and the uncertainty, and you're definitely more comfortable and confident in what's going down. You're more comfortable admitting what you want or what you like, and the pressure is off because you've done it once before, so you can just have a good time together and really knock it out of the park. Second time sex, tends to be a lot more likely to result in at least one orgasm per person. And second time sex tends to be a lot more fun for everyone. 

So, with a one night stand, aren't you really just walking away from potentially amazing sex for just first-time sex? When you don't give that guy from the bar your number, and you just sneak out of his place in the morning while he's still sleeping, or when you hook up with a girl in the backseat of your car and then don't invite her up to your apartment, aren't you really only abandoning your chance at an awesome second night tangled in the sheets together?

I guess it could just be me, and I could be entirely wrong in my assessment, but it seems to me that the true downfall of the one night stand, is that you are missing out on the best sex possible between you and the person you just hooked up with - the second time sex. And that's doing you both an injustice. 

Moral of the story? Always fuck someone twice. That's the only way to really know if you should keep their number or block them on Facebook