Tuesday, November 12, 2013

There are a lot of benefits to being my friend

Today's Topic: Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship.

The last person I texted is someone I text fairly often. And by fairly often, I mean if we went a day without at least a text or two, I'd probably think he was dead. This person is a good friend of mine and has been for, what, 9 years now. The only catch is, when I have a boyfriend or he has a girlfriend, we don't really talk. And we definitely don't hang out. And if we happen to run into each other, we certainly do not drink together alone. And, I'm sure you can guess why that is.

Yes, that is because we are friends who happen to enjoy having sex with each other.

And from what I can tell, that's not a nice thing to do with your friend when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And in the last 9 years, I have learned that I am too physically attracted to this person, and the chemistry is just too present, to maintain a friendship when other people's feelings, hearts, or relationship statuses are involved.

We met 9 years ago, at work. He was charming and irresistable, and of course at 22, I was...well, I was drunk mostly. But I also had a nice ass, and I loved to drink cheap beer and play Big Buck Hunter, so obviously I was a total prize. We were friends, and we occassionally hooked up, usually at 3:00 in the morning after a night closing down the Brew or the Harmony. Goodness, I was so classy in my early twenties.

In any case, the friendship we had 9 years ago was very shallow; it involved a lot of drinking, a lot of jealousy, some tears, some anger, and honestly, a lot of fun as well. But thankfully, we've both outgrown the way we treated each other in the past and actually do have a good friendship, even outside of the physical.

This person is someone I know I can count on to tell me the truth, to offer me sound advice when I ask for it, to tell me when I am acting crazy, and to listen to me when I'm venting. And more than anything, he makes me laugh. Whether we are at his place or mine, seeing a movie, having dinner or a drink, or watching a football game, rest assured I will be entertained. There is a healthy dose of give and take in my friendship with him; while he is able to give me advice as I need it, he is also one to approach me for the same. I no longer feel what I felt 9 years ago - that I was the one giving and he was the one taking, our friendship has surpassed that and is much more balanced than it used to be. I contribute that to the time I spent in therapy, because I often just quote my therapist to him when he needs to figure some shit out.

One thing I have learned, not necessarily from this relationship, but from relationships in general - and life experience in general really, is that chemistry is vital, but so is the timing. When you push for something that you are not ready for, it will inevitably fail. When you force something instead of waiting for it to progress naturally, you ruin it. I have rushed things in the past, pushed them when instinctivly I was not ready, and look where that has gotten me. I'm not in high school anymore, I don't need to label every relationship I have right away, nor do I need to make everything into a big deal or to push when I am not ready. As I have taught my dear friend Rachel, most of the time, people really just need to CTFD (calm the fuck down) and let things come at them. As long as there continues to be a presence of honesty and communication, I will continue to be satisfied.

Pun. Intended.

Someone (not this same person) just told me that I should proceed with this blog post, despite the fact that sometimes - especially as a woman - it is hard to admit publicly that you're having sex with someone on a casual basis, someone who is not your boyfriend. People get all judgey about it and want to start in with their "you're gonna get hurt" speeches. And while I respect the opinions of my friends, some of whom disagree with most of the life decisions I make, I am who I am and I may as well be open about it. Afterall, this is my blog, and isn't that the point?