Tuesday, November 5, 2013

"A lady does not place her weapon on the table"

I've decided to tackle a new 30 day blog challenge. This one is, "The Single Woman's 30 Day Blog Challege." Let's see what you can all learn about the inner workings of this very awesome, very fun, very single lady...

Day one: Your Response to Everyone's Favorite Question...Why Are You Still Single?!?

My initial reaction is, well, mind your own fucking business. Ass. But then I remember that I decided on this blog, no one asked me to...so then I should probably calm the fuck down about it.

I am single for several reasons. I am single because I am not chasing down my version of Prince Charming, nor am I waiting for a rescue. I am single because I am picky. I am single because until about 6 months ago, I was very emotionally damaged after dating a guy who pushed me around and was mean to me. I am single because I am only 30, and unlike so many women in the world, I don't believe that makes me old, and I don't think we should be getting hitched at 22 (no offense to those of you who got hitched at 22). I am single because I am content in my own skin and don't need to be validated by a relationship. I am single because I like dating and don't need to jump head first into a serious commitment. I am single because I would rather wait for a great guy than waste time on a bad one. And on top of all of those things, I am happy with my life right now, and it happens to be that I am currently single. 

According to some people in my life, who shall remain nameless, I am single because my life has no meaning and because my ovaries are drying up...oh and also because I am a snarky bitch (but that part is possibly a little bit right). According to these same people, I am single because I am too independant, I work too hard at my career, and I don't want kids. I am single because I have a job and want to keep it after I get married. I am single because I don't cook and because I pay a house cleaner to do women's work.

Well guess what, people who shall remain nameless, the man for me doesn't want me to quit my job or to stay home popping babies out of my lady biz, because he likes my money and let's be honest, he likes my lady biz the way it is...baby-free. I know what happens to a woman's body during and after pregnancy and childbirth, and I'd say a man should be pretty pleased to know that none of those things have taken place here! The man for me understands that I am independant and is not threatened by that, but rather finds it sexy that I go to work and pay my own bills and take myself on vacations. He appreciates that I would rather spend time with him than clean the house, and respects that I can pay someone to clean for us. And most importantly, he respects who I am as a person and as a woman, and understands that I don't play into the traditional gender roles that require me to stay home and make him babies and dinner while I rub his feet and only have sex when he feels like it. We're gonna have sex when I feel like it too, dammit!

In all seriousness, I never know exactly how to answer the why am I still single question. I just am. I haven't met the right person, and I don't want to be unavailable to him when he does come around. And I don't want to settle for someone who is here and now just because they are here and now. I do find it incredibly offensive when people assume I am a man-hating feminazi when I say I am 30 and single and that I don't wish to have babies of my own. The truth is actually as far from that as it gets. I love men, and I do believe that I will find a good one when the time is right and I am ready. And yes, I am kinda a feminist in that I want to work and be treated equal and wear shoes and have opnions and be allowed to vote and drive and go out after dark. I don't think that makes me a mant-hater, I think that makes me a respectable woman. And my decision to not make babies of my own is my own choice based on the way I wish to live my life. Should I change my mind someday, great, but in the meantime, I am super annoyed by the women who tell me I will regret not reproducing. No, I don't think I will. I read a great quote last night that said, "Will I regret not having kids of my own? Maybe. But I would rather regret not having a child, than have a child I regret." So well-written and so validating - I love children, I really do. I am not even opposed to marrying a man who has a child of his own. But I do not wish to start from scratch, at say, 34 years old (gotta give myself a minute to meet a guy, date him, marry him, and be whisked away on a fabulous honeymoon) with something that is my financial responsibility for the next 20-25 years...that is money and time I could be spending on travel with this sweet, successful, compassionate, intelligent, George Clooney of a man I plan to stumble across one day.

I suppose what it boils down to is, I am single because I am single. There is no rhyme or reason to why I am 30 years old and not married. But the important thing, at least in my opinion, is that I am happy. In my 15 years of dating, since my very first boyfriend in 8th grade, I have learned how to take care of myself, how to ask for what I need, how to demand respect, and how to pick up the pieces and move on when I get my heart broken. I have learned that a good man will validate my feelings, embrace who I am, and never try to change me. Through dating a man guy toddler ass hole who isolated me from my family, controlled my every move, and occassionally threw me around (or threw things at me), I have learned that respect is something I will never sacrifice again, as well as how to walk away from the wrong thing no matter how hard it is. So in the time that I have been single, I have learned a ton of things about dating, and life, and myself, that will someday make me a better wife and partner to someone who will be a wonderful husband and partner to me. Whether that person has a kid, wants a kid, or simply wants to act like a kid, will all work itself out when it needs to. And until then, I will continue to be comfortably single and happy. And I may sleep around from time to time...a single lady's got needs, afterall.