Thursday, November 14, 2013

Sometimes the wrong things are the right things for a little while

Today's topic: Describe your most difficult break up and what you learned from it.

Most people would probably expect me to say that my most difficult break up was with Kalib, but it wasn't. With Kalib, by the time it got to the break up, I was done and had already checked out, so it was just a matter of moving my stuff out of the house. And yes, the process was hard, losing Rylie was hard, leaving the house I helped purchase was hard. But the breaking up part in itself, was not hard for me. Because I was ready.

Rewind to the relationship I was in prior to meeting Kalib, and that was the most difficult break up I have been through. Not because the relationship was extremely long-lasting or deep, but simply because my heart was still in it when it ended. I didn't want to break up with Zach. I liked him. He was fun and always made me laugh. We had fun together, had great chemistry. But I knew I had to break up with him. He was an alcoholic and he wasn't working, and it wasn't good for either one of us to be in that relationship at that time. My relationship with Zach is a perfect example of how sometimes, you can have the chemistry, but that without the timing, you will fail. It was an example of a time where I rushed into something, where I pushed past my doubts and went for it anyway. And as they tend to do when they're not the right thing, it failed.

It is hard for me now to look back on my relationship with Zach and be critical, because a year ago he was killed in a car accident in northern California. Ironically on his way home to check into an in-patient rehab center to combat his alcoholism. I know that our relationship was not healthy for either of us. I know that it was not perfect, and I don't look back on it with dreamy eyes; I know that while we were having a great time, we were not being responsible about it. Zach was a good person and I will never forget the fun year I spent being a part of his life. I think of him often, and I message his Facebook page when I am feeling particularly blue. We may not have been the right thing for each other, but he was still something right in my life.