Saturday, November 9, 2013

Go ahead, let your guard down...I dare you

Today's topic: Five things that are most important to you in a future partner.
I don't feel like I have a long list of demands from a guy that has contributed to the constant disappointment I find in men, but there are several things that I do believe are essential characteristics for someone to keep my attention and make me happy for a long time. Something that a lot of people don't realize about me is, I really am a hopeless romantic. Jaded to some degree, perhaps, but still really just looking for a lifetime of happiness with someone who loves me.

When someone asks me, what are you looking for in a guy, I always just stare at them blankly, as if I have no idea what qualities are important. But what matters to me are the same things that should be important to any woman - I want a man who is respectful, kind, appreciative, attentive, and honest. I don't really think any of these things are so outlandish that they warrant their own blog post, but they are apparently also harder to come by than you might thing, since I've never dated anyone who was able to deliver on the whole package.

More than any of the qualities I can count on my fingers though, I think what truly is the most important thing that I need from a partner is the feeling that nothing I do is stupid. I need to be with someone who validates the way that I feel, whether it makes sense or not, and whether it is logical or not. I don't always make sense, and I don't expect anyone - friends or boyfriends - to always follow my line of thought. But I won't tolerate someone calling my thoughts, stupid. I am not stupid, and what I think is never stupid. I do need to have that feeling of support and validation, so that I am able to continue being open and honest.

Being safe in my vulnerability is so vital, and something that seems to come along far too rarely. People become far too defensive and build far too many walls around their hearts as they endure breakups, failed relationships, or disappointments. This is something we are all guilty of, not just me. The easy thing to do when someone hurts you is arm yourself with an emotional shield, to barricade yourself from ever feeling that pain again. But when someone comes along and shows you respect, compassion, and support; when someone listens to you, validates your emotions, and continues to want to be around you, it is your responsibility to start letting go of those brick walls. The person on the other side deserves for you to let them in, and more importantly, you deserve to have someone who wants to be there.

Relationships are no easy feat, but I do hold out hope that at some point, I will find someone worth all the effort. And of course, if I can't have any of that, there's always the sex appeal of George Clooney to satisfy me...