Monday, July 28, 2014

Because, No.

Apparently, 31 is the age that people start to worry about you if you're not married and don't have babies. It is also the age that people give you really weird looks when you say you don't plan to ever have babies. I have been asked more times in the past week, than in possibly my whole life, when I plan to "settle down, get married, and start a family."

A: I have a family. My family is full of love and support and babies and toddlers, and while none of them are mine, they are all my family. I am their auntie, I make it a point to know them and to love them, and as they grow up into teenagers, with all of their angst and emotions, I will always be the aunt they can call for help. I am excited when another one of my cousins announces a pregnancy. I loved being in all of their weddings. I am supported and encouraged by my cousins, my aunts & uncles, and my parents. I find it annoying when people ask, when are you going to have a family? Bitch please, I have one already. And it's big enough. It's practically an army. The last thing we need to add to it is a baby I don't want.

B: I will never settle down. I am who I am. I am wild and adventurous, and I don't want to sit still. People are always saying that renting is a waste of money, and giving me lists of reasons why I should buy a condo, but the thing is, renting is not a waste of money if it's what makes me happy. I like renting. I like moving. I like packing and unpacking and organizing a new place. I like being on a month to month lease, because if I get a job in Arizona or Denver, or Boston, or any other place in the world that I decide I want to go, I can do that. I don't want to buy anything, I don't want to put my roots in a home in Vancouver and commit to 30 years of that being where I live. I like being free to uproot myself whenever I want, and to be able to say yes to a job opportunity with no concern about where I live or what the commute would be like. Stop asking me to settle down. You settle the fuck down.

C: I will get married when I get married. Why are you asking me when I am getting married, when I don't even have a boyfriend?! Oh you know, I'm single today...but I'm planning to get hitched on Tuesday. What the fuck, don't ask stupid questions. I'm not really sure when I'll get married. Probably when I meet him a while...fall in love with him...get engaged to him...I'll probably marry him soon after that. And if you keep asking me stupid shit, you won't be invited. I'm not in a hurry, and no, I'm not worried about ending up "all alone." The worst thing I could ever do for my own heart, would be to approach every new relationship as an interview for a potential husband. That's insane. Sometimes, a date is just a date. Sometimes, sex is just sex. Other times, I give my heart to someone and they crush it into tiny pieces, and then guess what...when I am least expecting it, someone else shows up and helps me heal it. I don't want to get married just to be married; I want to marry someone because my days, weeks, and years are better with him there, and because he is the calm to my crazy. And since you don't tend to find that overnight, don't ask me some dumb shit about when I will be getting the boy man guy I am not even currently dating.

I can hear my mom's voice in my head right now telling me I am overreacting and that people are just asking to ask. Well, internal mom voice, hush. I'm not overreacting. Asking people about their life choices is rude. It's like when my cousins get annoyed by people at Fred Meyer who touch their baby bumps or who touch their newborn babies. Back the fuck up. People need to realize that invading someone's personal space - whether it be physical space or mental space - is inappropriate. It's not okay to ask someone why they are single, or why they're getting divorced, or why they want zero, one, or four kids. It's not okay to ask someone why they're gay or why they have an open marriage or why they have been engaged for ten years and aren't yet planning a wedding. Back up out of other people's personal life choices, and worry about your own self. Stop asking inappropriate shit to people - especially people you barely know.

Just like I don't ask people why the hell they got married at 18, had a kid at 21 and another at 23, and then got divorced at 31...those people should not be asking me why I am not settling down with a gaggle of babies.

Because, I don't want to.

That should be a sufficient answer to the question you should not have rudely asked in the first place.