Friday, January 10, 2014
I'll just be sitting here, playing nice, waiting for you to be sorry
Sometimes, we do stupid shit. We're human, it happens. Maybe we say something rude or act on an emotion that we should have kept in check. Whatever it is, it is a quality we all share, doing dumb shit. From there, though, we can be cast into two separate groups. Those of us who apologize when we fuck up, and those of us who shut down and hope it goes away if we just be extra nice.
I am someone who apologizes when I fuck up. I am also someone who needs to be apologized to before I can get over the dumb shit someone else did. If I do something that hurts someone's feelings or causes someone else grief, I generally apologize. It wasn't my intention to be hurtful, and I owe you an apology. In the same manner, I expect an apology if someone hurts my feelings. Intentional or not, you did in fact do something that upset me, and for that I am owed an apology. I don't hold a grudge if you offer me an apology, but I am guilty of not letting things go without one.
Recently, someone in my life was very disrespectful to me, and I made that person aware that they had upset me. This person did not apologize but has, instead, just been super sugary sweet and nice to me in the last few times we've seen each other. This does not work for me. I don't forgive you, and I am still angry with you, and based only on the fact that you have not yet apologized. I think the act of saying you're sorry is an important step, and I rarely let things go without it. I may continue to be nice to you, but trust me, I have not let it go. It's on my radar that you never apologized for your shitty behavior towards me.
I think a true, genuine apology is the way that you show someone that you understand what you did wrong, how you hurt someone, or how you damaged your relationship. I know that when I go to someone with an apology, it is because I recognize that I did something damaging and hurtful, and I understand that I need to awknowledge it to the person I was mean to. They deserve it. And what if, like me, they need it? What if they don't let things go until someone says their sorry? I don't want my friends holding grudges and remaining hurt or mad, or not being able to let go of a bad experience I caused. I want them to be able to accept my sincere apologies and move on.
Have you done something wrong to someone lately? When's the last time you said you were sorry?