Monday, January 5, 2015

When a Baby Becomes a Weapon

At what point did we decide it was acceptable and tolerable to use children as a weapon?

But you don't have kids, Veronica, you couldn't possibly understand.

No, no. I do. I do understand. I understand the sick, twisted, fucked up manner in which parents feel they can control their ex by using their shared children as weapons. And I think it's disgusting.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your spouse, but be a fucking adult about it. You chose to marry each other - or at least you chose to fuck each other on a semi-regular basis. You chose to reproduce together. You chose to bring innocent babies into this world together. By doing so, you chose to raise said babies together for the next 18 years. At least (they now say that the age of actual independence from your mom and dad is more like 26, by the way). It is irresponsible of you to let your own heartache or anger change the way you promised to raise those babies.

Taking a step in reverse, I simply cannot imagine having to raise and co-parent a child with any idiot I've ever slept with. No thanks. But that's why I don't have babies (or one of many reasons). I likely don't have the mental capacity to remain civil enough to share custody with idiots, and I certainly lack the maturity level required to discuss the life and well-being of a child with someone I want to punch in the teeth. But again, this isn't about me; I don't have kids I am trying to share with someone else.

This is about you.

You, who refuses to be flexible with your parenting plan days to allow your ex to take your daughter to Disneyland for spring break. Because clearly your daughter would hate Disneyland and your ex is only trying to take her there to ruin her life and yours.

You, who blames every bump, bruise, scrape, fall, and owie on the inability of your ex to parent effectively. Because kids never fall. They are always pushed.

You, who publicly blasts your ex and their inability to do anything right all over Facebook and Instagram. Because it is really helpful in effective co-parenting to bash and belittle the other half of your equation. And it makes you look really mature and adult. It definitely does not make you look like a bitter, jealous, angry moron who takes to social media to destroy other people.

This is about you.

You, who refuses to drop your kid off to her dad when you're mad, or who refuses to bring your son back to his mom's house even though it's that day of the week, just because you want to assert your control. Because using kids as a means of controlling someone else is very effective and healthy.

Here's the thing (and I am aiming this at bitter women, because the reality is, the people who inspired this blog all happen to be bitter women): You did not get yourself pregnant. You did not fuck yourself, make your own baby, grow it alone, prepare for it alone, and get it out of your body alone. You had help, from day one. You had sex with someone else, making a baby that was 50% you and 50% someone else. This other person brought you ice cream, rubbed your feet, and quite honestly just put up with your grumpy, emotional, crazy ass for nine months, and then ruined his fantasy of what a vagina looks like by watching a baby come out of yours. Point being, you cannot make a baby by yourself. Making a baby is making a choice to procreate with the guy whose dick you just let inside you. So perhaps, taking another step backwards, you should reevaluate who you're fucking in the first place...and if he's an idiot, you may consider some effective birth control options.

People seem to think it's normal to take an innocent child, and use that child as a means of leverage, control, abuse, or other mind-fuckery against the child's other parent. Well the reality is, while sure you are hurting you ex, you are more deeply hurting your own child. You know, your child you wanted so badly that you made it with that idiot you hate now? Yea, that child. You are now hurting that child. Way to go. You get an A+ for being a five star, award winning, piece of shit. Your kid is the one who suffers most when you act like a selfish, jealous ass hole.

The next time that you say no to something or start an argument with your ex over something, try to stop and think - who are you really saying no to? By denying your kid's mom an extra day to take her to the beach, aren't you really just depriving your daughter of a trip to the beach? And when you refuse to discuss something from school or the doctor because you're being a self-righteous prick, aren't you really just damaging your own child's education and well-being?

Stop and think about it for five seconds. Get the fuck over yourself. You didn't make that baby by yourself, so you don't get to raise it by yourself. Grow up. Think of the kids first. They're not weapons. They aren't pawns. They aren't leverage. They're babies. They just want to be with their moms and their dads and their toys and their pets; they really don't care about much else. You're really the only one complicating the issue by being an ass hole.

And thus concludes another rant on how much I hate people. Seems to be a theme lately...