Not Every #BabyDaddy is a Deadbeat

I'm not a mom. I've never been a mom.

I have no experience co-parenting, good or bad, with my own child.

I did, for three years, live with a boyfriend and his child, so I do have a limited frame of reference as far as experience in co-parenting with someone else's child.

I don't claim to know anything about being a mother (or a father either, really).

However, I am also not a fucking idiot.

Why is it that women - and yes, I am going to go out on a super sexist limb here and come down hard on my own gender - cannot treat the fathers of their children with any respect?! I'm serious. You all are a bunch of bitches.

I get it. There are a lot of deadbeat, bull shit sperm-donating dads out there, a lot of guys who make a baby and then do nothing to help raise it. I understand that the number of deadbeat dads likely outweighs the number of deadbeat moms in the world. But those are clearly not the ones I am talking about. I'm talking about the guys who have stepped up, paid child support, asked for more time with their kids, remained actively involved in parenting their child. Those guys. The ones you are lucky are dads to your kids. The ones you should be thanking, not berating on the internet.

Not a single day passes where I don't see something on Facebook, posted by some mom, bitching about her child's dad. It's a daily thing on social media. Rant after rant about everything these guys are doing wrong. They didn't feed them the right thing, or they dressed them wrong, or the kid got a little bit of a sunburn or missed his nap, or he stayed up late or got up too early, or he let her watch the wrong movie, or whatever other insignificant, minute, stupid mundane thing you feel like being an ass hole about. Nobody wants to see your #babymamadrama blasted on Facebook. It's rude and disrespectful, and it makes YOU look like the idiot. All of us who see your drama, know you're the one making life difficult for yourself. We know that in reality, your kid's dad likely is just doing his best to help you raise a child, and you're being a control freak about how he's "doing it wrong."

For the record, outside of negligence and abuse, I'd argue that there's really not much of a "wrong way" to parent a child...but that's for another day.

Listen bitch. Be a little more grateful that the guy keeps your kid clothed, comfortable, and safe. You don't get to be such a jerk and tell someone else how to raise your kid. You're raising this child together, and you may not be doing it exactly the same way, and that's really not a big deal. If you want to be the be-all-end-all decision maker in the life of a child, literally try to make yourself one all alone and see how that works out for you. My mom and dad did not parent me exactly the same as each other - and guess what, I didn't die. My brother and I are now two functioning adults, despite the fact that my mom spanked us and my dad didn't. or the fact that my mom said no and my dad bought me a car. It's not going to kill your kid that you and your ex don't do things exactly the same. It really doesn't matter. Your kid will be fine.

I got into it recently with a single mom, who is famous for posting condescending, passive-aggressive deadbeat-dad memes on Facebook, like at least once a week. I know her, and I know her son's dad. Neither of them is a bad parent. They are both effectively parenting; but they sure as shit don't make it easy on each other. I finally just had to say something - girl, your kid's dad is a good guy, get off this tirade! Was he a great boyfriend to you? Doesn't sound like it. Was he making some poor choices earlier in this kid's life? Could be. But to be honest, you maybe were too. Because  *shocker* neither of you is perfect. Just let it go. Open your eyes and see what he's doing now, and stop hanging on to your past drama. You look petty, and you also look mean. And a little bit pathetic, to be frank.

I just honestly, have had enough of seeing women bash and chastise these guys on such a public forum, when they're really just trying to be a damn dad to their children. He's likely not doing it perfectly, but guess what bitch, neither are you. There is no perfect parent out there, no perfect way to be a mom or a dad to a kid. All of you moms who are demanding perfection from your child's father based more on your own fucking ego than anything else, please take this as a reality check. You are being an ass hole. You look like an idiot every time you post something mean about him. You're doing a disservice to your child every time you say something nasty about their daddy. You're the one your kid will grow up to resent for putting them in the middle.

Just seriously, stop it.

When a Baby Becomes a Weapon

At what point did we decide it was acceptable and tolerable to use children as a weapon?

But you don't have kids, Veronica, you couldn't possibly understand.

No, no. I do. I do understand. I understand the sick, twisted, fucked up manner in which parents feel they can control their ex by using their shared children as weapons. And I think it's disgusting.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your spouse, but be a fucking adult about it. You chose to marry each other - or at least you chose to fuck each other on a semi-regular basis. You chose to reproduce together. You chose to bring innocent babies into this world together. By doing so, you chose to raise said babies together for the next 18 years. At least (they now say that the age of actual independence from your mom and dad is more like 26, by the way). It is irresponsible of you to let your own heartache or anger change the way you promised to raise those babies.

Taking a step in reverse, I simply cannot imagine having to raise and co-parent a child with any idiot I've ever slept with. No thanks. But that's why I don't have babies (or one of many reasons). I likely don't have the mental capacity to remain civil enough to share custody with idiots, and I certainly lack the maturity level required to discuss the life and well-being of a child with someone I want to punch in the teeth. But again, this isn't about me; I don't have kids I am trying to share with someone else.

This is about you.

You, who refuses to be flexible with your parenting plan days to allow your ex to take your daughter to Disneyland for spring break. Because clearly your daughter would hate Disneyland and your ex is only trying to take her there to ruin her life and yours.

You, who blames every bump, bruise, scrape, fall, and owie on the inability of your ex to parent effectively. Because kids never fall. They are always pushed.

You, who publicly blasts your ex and their inability to do anything right all over Facebook and Instagram. Because it is really helpful in effective co-parenting to bash and belittle the other half of your equation. And it makes you look really mature and adult. It definitely does not make you look like a bitter, jealous, angry moron who takes to social media to destroy other people.

This is about you.

You, who refuses to drop your kid off to her dad when you're mad, or who refuses to bring your son back to his mom's house even though it's that day of the week, just because you want to assert your control. Because using kids as a means of controlling someone else is very effective and healthy.

Here's the thing (and I am aiming this at bitter women, because the reality is, the people who inspired this blog all happen to be bitter women): You did not get yourself pregnant. You did not fuck yourself, make your own baby, grow it alone, prepare for it alone, and get it out of your body alone. You had help, from day one. You had sex with someone else, making a baby that was 50% you and 50% someone else. This other person brought you ice cream, rubbed your feet, and quite honestly just put up with your grumpy, emotional, crazy ass for nine months, and then ruined his fantasy of what a vagina looks like by watching a baby come out of yours. Point being, you cannot make a baby by yourself. Making a baby is making a choice to procreate with the guy whose dick you just let inside you. So perhaps, taking another step backwards, you should reevaluate who you're fucking in the first place...and if he's an idiot, you may consider some effective birth control options.

People seem to think it's normal to take an innocent child, and use that child as a means of leverage, control, abuse, or other mind-fuckery against the child's other parent. Well the reality is, while sure you are hurting you ex, you are more deeply hurting your own child. You know, your child you wanted so badly that you made it with that idiot you hate now? Yea, that child. You are now hurting that child. Way to go. You get an A+ for being a five star, award winning, piece of shit. Your kid is the one who suffers most when you act like a selfish, jealous ass hole.

The next time that you say no to something or start an argument with your ex over something, try to stop and think - who are you really saying no to? By denying your kid's mom an extra day to take her to the beach, aren't you really just depriving your daughter of a trip to the beach? And when you refuse to discuss something from school or the doctor because you're being a self-righteous prick, aren't you really just damaging your own child's education and well-being?

Stop and think about it for five seconds. Get the fuck over yourself. You didn't make that baby by yourself, so you don't get to raise it by yourself. Grow up. Think of the kids first. They're not weapons. They aren't pawns. They aren't leverage. They're babies. They just want to be with their moms and their dads and their toys and their pets; they really don't care about much else. You're really the only one complicating the issue by being an ass hole.

And thus concludes another rant on how much I hate people. Seems to be a theme lately...