Friday, February 13, 2015

You Can Go Step on a Lego

11 Day Photo Blog Challenge
Day 5: A Picture of Something You Hate

Things I hate: People who stand too close to me in the grocery store line. Mushrooms. Monkeys. People who tell me I will regret not having children. People who ask me why I'm not married yet - specifically those who ask in a condescending manner. People who are rude to servers or who tip shitty. Slow drivers. Getting car sick. Carrots. Cake. Pie. Rush hour traffic. Talking about my feelings. Speaking in public. Being on the phone with Comcast. Losing control. Crying in front of boys. Tire swings. Homework. Getting yelled at. Blinds dates. Pork chops. Burns. The dentist. Violent films. Baby vomit. Cat vomit. Most anyone's vomit, really. Dogs.

Now that that's done...

More than any other trivial thing I hate, I hate being lied to. And I hate having my heart broken. I especially hate when these two things happen to coincide. Individually, they suck. Together, they're a disaster.

I hate being lied to because when I believe a lie or fall for some bull shit, inevitably I end up feeling like an idiot. And I hate feeling like an idiot. I know I shouldn't. You're the one who lied to me, why am I feeling bad over it? It's not my responsibility to think everyone is out there lying to me all the time, nor is it up to me to second guess everything anyone says to me. The thing is, I am a very trusting person; and I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it's actually a pretty good thing - especially considering some events in my past - that I am able to look at someone new and see no reason not to buy into the things they're saying to me. People who think everyone is a liar, are annoying. They tend to be bitter and unloving, and are certainly unable to be happy and secure in a relationship. So, as I said, I believe that my ability and willingness to give people my complete faith, is more positive than negative.

And yet, when that trust is broken, I tend to feel very stupid, like I somehow should have known better. And that's annoying in itself. It is not up to me to know better; it is not up to me to doubt you or lack faith in you. It is my job to trust that your intentions are honorable, and that you have not set out to hurt me.

Point being: Do not fucking lie to me. Whether you are my friend, my boyfriend, my family, or my coworker. Just don't do it.

I think the only thing worse than being lied to, is having a broken heart. I honestly hate the feeling of heartache. And until fairly recently, I didn't even realize the extent in which a heart could actually feel pain. You all surely know the feeling...the wave of intense pressure on your chest cavity, the sting of tears behind your eyes, that feeling where you can't take too deep of a breath, to where you just can't get enough oxygen. It sucks. Having someone break your heart is the absolute most shitty feeling in the world. I don't wish a broken heart on anyone, ever - even people I don't like (because I don't need that kind of shitty karma).

Heartache is one of those things that is both physically and emotionally painful. It's right up there with jealousy - which I also hate, by the way - where you feel the feeling physically and then you also feel it-feel it. I can't say much else other than it really just fucking sucks, and I really fucking hate it.

The thing about having someone break your heart, is it's the very worst when it wasn't their intention. Like, if someone is mean to me, or they cheat on me, or they shove me into a wall, that's intentional. You did that shit on purpose. It hurt because I trusted you. It hurt because I thought you cared about me. It hurt because you clearly don't. But the worst is when it wasn't on purpose. When you still care about me, and when I don't see it coming. Unexpected, unintentional, wanna-be-your-friend-still-because-I-think-you're-amazing heartbreak is the most painful shit ever. It's hard. How do you be friends with someone who both stole your heart and broke it? Without a little time, a little grief, and - let's be real - a little therapy, you just don't. It's too hard.

Have I mentioned I hate being heart broken?

In all seriousness, there are really no worse feelings than being lied to and having your heart stomped on. These are definitely two things I hate, more than anything else.

That said, in honor of the holiday, I also do, mutha-fucking hate Valentine's Day. Not because I'm single and bitter (yes, I'm single, no I'm not bitter), but because it's a day of expectations and so often a day of unnecessary disappointment. People expect gifts and flowers and lovey-dovey nonsense on Valentine's Day. Well guess what. If your partner doesn't do lovey-dovey all year long, you're about to get your hopes up for nothing, because you're going to be disappointed when he, on yet another day of the year with you, doesn't shower you with nonsense. And if you're one of the lucky ones who was able to snag one of the few who does tend to shower nonsense all year long, then Valentine's Day really is just another day of the year with you. Congratulations, don't let that one get away from you.

So, there's all that.
A day of things I hate.
Coulda been a legit downer of a blog post for sure...