Day Four: What do I need to let go of?
Probably a lot of things.
Definitely some things.
For sure some things I am not going to write about.
The number one topic that comes to mind is that I need to let go of the shitty people in my family. They are shitty. They are not going to get better. They do, however, continue to get worse. And sometimes I really have a hard time with that. Other times, I am reminded that other people in my family are great, and that it's fine. But I have already written that "my family sucks" blog - multiple times, in fact (they really, really do), so I have been racking my brain for a new topic.
And then I get a message from a friend this morning and it hits me.
She works for the company I used to work for. Let's just call them Big G, shall we? I'd hate to get anybody's panties twisted when they read this.
Anyway, so she was terminated today.
For no reason.
After many, many years of exceptional service.
Is this ringing a bell for anyone because it happened to me 3 months ago??
Ironically, said friend works for *gasp* the SAME regional manager I worked for!
Here's the thing. I let go of the fact that I was fired by my snake-ass twat of a regional right away, because a much better, much more beneficial, much more respectable position was offered to me within 5 days. I am not upset that I was fired. I am upset that I learned the hard way that if someone hates you enough, they really will use anything possible to get rid of you, buuuuut in the end, I came out ahead.
However, what I have not let go of yet, is this overwhelming sympathy for the people I know who still work for this company, and who work for this company in Portland, specifically. A company where when you reach out to your director or to HR for help dealing with your supervisor being a total and complete bitch, you are then basically raked over the coals. And where they will also go right to your supervisor and TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID! A company where you don't matter. Where your opinion doesn't matter. Where your human decency, morals, and overall convictions do you more harm than good. Big G is a company that probably at some point did some good. But they are also a company that has turned some of the best career role models I've had, into shady, dishonest ass holes, with whom I would no longer ever share kind words.
I was fired less than a month after I called my regional's supervisor, begging for advice on how to deal with her. Begging for help on how to communicate with her more effectively. I was fired less than two weeks after having a meeting with my regional and her supervisor (because confidentiality means nothing), in which I was honest about what I needed to feel more support. I was fired while my career mentor (who yes I do now see as completely shady as fuck) was conveniently on vacation and unable to look me in the face after approving to let this happen. And more importantly, I was fired less than ten days after I spent a day job shadowing another regional based on a conversation in which my next promotion was discussed.
How interesting.
Someone who works in the corporate office for Big G said something that really stuck with me, when I was talking to her about what actually happened (because of course, my shady-ass twat of a regional did nothing but talk shit about how horrible I was). She said, "If I was an on site manager right now, and you got fired for 'not living Big G's values,' I would be terrified every day of losing my job - because you of all people, are the one showing up every day and investing in the values. You're a favorite and everyone knows it. If I were on her team as a manager, I'd be watching her every move."
Exactly.
I know I was a "favorite." I know that companies play favorites, and I know I was in that position. I was speaking at training classes, leading meetings, job shadowing, training, mentoring, hosting videos, joining committees. Big G was rolling out their new "values" platform, and I was not only dedicated to it, but I was dedicated to everyone else dedicating themselves to it.
But my regional was a cunt, and we hated each other. And I spoke up about it.
And she makes more money than me, and her position is more important, so I got fired.
Which is, again, fine by me.
But.
I have not let go of this "mama bear" feeling of just wanting to scream GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE NOW to everyone in the Portland market. I want to find jobs for all of them (and I have found jobs for several of them). I need to let go of that and simply be an advocate for my new company. The people who still work for Big G know it's bad - they bitch about it all the time, for one. And for two, there has been regional manager mass exodus, and that shit does not go down for no reason. The truth is, I can't continue to stress about my friends who still work for the company. It's their choice to stay where they are for now, and they'll eventually realize how bad things have gotten and move on. It's hard to be in a position now where I can see all of the bad, and where I can see how unhappy my friends are at work. I have an amazing regional now - I work somewhere very challenging, and where a lot of people are really not pleasant, and yet he has my back 110% every single time. My director of operations calls or emails me weekly to make sure I am still doing well and having a good time, reminding me how fortunate she feels to have gotten me on her team.
I need to let go of a need to protect my old coworkers from the shit show they're in. I can't change it for them. All I can do is offer an ear when they're bitching, and offer the job positions list when they're ready to exhale the Big G bull shit.
Values the Big G Portland office claims to live by: Integrity. Respect. Professionalism. Accountability. Service. Teamwork.
Values the Big G Portland office does not live up to by any stretch: Integrity. Respect. Professionalism. Accountability. Service. Teamwork.
I've let go of all aspects of being terminated. I'm happy where I'm at, and sometimes forced change ends up being the best thing for you. I ended up with an additional $10,000 a year to start, a better apartment, better work/life balance, better regional support, and just seriously a better existence.
And it's probably about time I let go of feeling bad for the people still working there.
Because let's be honest, if they're good at their jobs, they'll probably get fired soon anyway!
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