Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Kissing Frogs

How does that old saying go? The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? Do people really buy into that? Does it really work? Is it possible that while you attempt to get over someone, you can just help your heart along by casually being, as the saying goes, under another person?

I hate that this is misspelled!!

Today's prompt: What's your recipe for recuperating from extreme heartbreak?

I don't believe in the mend your heart by pacifying it with another person method, but that's not to say I never did. At some point in my 21-25 year old life, that philosophy made perfect sense to me. I'm not thinking about him if I am occupied by someone else, so what other logic is there?

Of course, I am no longer operating in the brain of a 21-25 year old, and I have learned in time that putting a band-aid over a wound does not heal anything, even though it may make you feel better for a quick minute. A broken heart cannot really be healed with anything but time and distance, and that's simply what it takes to get back on track.

It seems that with the ever-present social media, it is so much harder to maintain the distance you need to get over someone, because how many mutual friends do you have on Facebook? I remember when I broke up with Kalib and he had a huge temper tantrum because I was friends with his friend Jonas on Facebook, so Kalib was able to see all the fun I was having without him in my life, and it was upsetting him. Not that I care, but there is an example. I was lucky enough in my last relationship that Mark didn't have a Facebook, so once we broke up, it was a simple matter of not emailing him, which is much easier when his friends and family aren't popping up in my news feed every day.

But I am getting a little off track. In the instance of a broken heart, my recipe for staying in one piece is to journal. A lot. When I am hurting, nothing makes me feel better than laying in bed with a good book or a journal to write in, and a sad chick flick. PS I Love You is one of my go-to sad Veronica movies. If I am watching that tear-jerker, you know I am in a sad state.

This topic is also another excellent place for me to insert a plug on how much I love therapy. It seems like when you're sad over a break up, you find so many things just flat out wrong with you to justify why someone broke up with you. It couldn't possibly be because it just wasn't right, it has to be because you are too fat or too skinny, too short or too tall, too dumb, too smart, etc. etc. The thing with therapy is, it helps keep you out of that mentally dark place, where you are loathing who you are, and it lets you explore the real reasons your relationship didn't work out. Truth be told, you are the right height, weight, size, and of the right intelligence and popularity, but sometimes, it just isn't the right relationship. And that's ok. All that means is, you were meant for someone else. Gotta kiss some frogs to get that prince, ladies.

Most recently, I have learned that its ok to be 100% honest, both with yourself and with the person you're involved with. It is ok to say, you know what, I love spending time with you, but I am not quite all put back together and I need to go slow. It is better to be honest from the get-go than to give someone false hope of something that you're not ready for. And if you are being honest as things progress and as time goes on, then maybe eventually you'll be ready. Or maybe you won't be, and that's ok too. We tend to want answers, want things to be black and white and without any gray, want to know exactly what is happening and to make sure it fits in our timeline. And that's just illogical. Everything happens at its own pace for a reason, trying to rush things or force them to slow down is what contributes to it not working out. I have fairly recently learned that some of the best things in life happen at their own time, when its the right moment, not necessarily right when I want them to.

If it makes me happy, then it isn't wrong. If it makes sense, go for it. If it makes your heart hurt, stop it. Always be honest to your own heart and your own soul, express your honest feelings to the people involved with your heart, and know that in the end, the heart is a very resillient piece of machinery. And you will be just fine.